How to teach sexual purity to children - without punishment or shaming

Most parents want their children to know and understand the teaching of sexual purity. Many parents still want children to learn this teaching, which is part of religious heritage as a nation. A few parents have given up, and allow their children to have sex freely, thinking that any intervention in a child's sex life is a form of spiritual abuse. The fact of the matter is that you can instruct your child in the teaching of sexual purity without punishing them or shaming them.

What is sexual purity? It says in 1 Corinthians 6:18 KJV:

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

The Greek root word translated "fornication" is πορνεία (Latin: porneia) and most literally translates to "outside of proper channels" and refers to, in sum, any sexual relations outside of a lawfully-ordained marriage. A marriage, in biblical times, was a contract allowing for a sexual relationship between a man and a woman. A man could not just have sex with any woman. He first had to make her his wife, sign all the relevant papers of the marriage, and apply for a marriage license from Rome. This was the church's way of regulating who had sex with who, in order to preserve social cleanliness. Children under the age of majority could not marry, and thus could not have sex at all. Children who did have sex before marriage carried the guilt of a serious sin - along the level of blasphemy - and had to confess their sin at the altar before being baptized, upon becoming an adult. 

Contrary to popular belief, there was no taboo on masturbation in the biblical context. The Greek root word translated "lust" and "inordinate affection" is επιθυμέω (Latin: epithumeo) and refers not to simply to ordinary sexual desire, but to sexual desire to the point of taking the first steps to approach a woman for sexual purposes. Onan's sin was not spilling seed, but instead was refusing to inherit his brother's wife, thus refusing to step up to a vital responsibility such as marriage. It is okay for a child to look the look, or think the think, about someone their age, or even younger or older, but it is not okay for them to approach someone for sexual purposes. 

With all that said, punishing children for their sexuality was prohibited even in biblical times. It says in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times, and receiving many warnings beforehand that their punitive parenting habits were in violation of the Law. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of offenses or damages stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding a child hostage merely for things they did wrong. Paul here was lifting up the Law for a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child. Paul, here, was educating newcomer parents to the Christian Church about the proper Jewish parenting traditions that the church upheld. The Early Christians used traditional Jewish parenting methods, which called for warmth and love in a family home.

Children played freely in biblical times, albeit with supervision at all times. Many of the games that children played were sexualized in nature, and were high-risk by today's standards. One high-risk game was "marriage". Children never wore any clothing, at all, until they were adults. "Marriage" was a role-play of a Jewish marriage ceremony, including the consummation. For the consummation, children usually simply embraced, and didn't mount each other. When children did attempt to mount each other, they were separated by supervising parents or adults right away. But, the children, instead of being punished, then were reassured by their given parents that "you will be able to do that someday", gently and lovingly encouraging delayed gratification in children.

Parents prevented mounting behavior and sexual liaisons in children by supervising them, and never leaving children out of their line of sight. If children went into the back rooms of a house, parents would notice, and call them back to where they could be supervised. Parents were especially vigilant when two children of the opposite sex played together. If two children interacted sexually, they were separated, and the guest child sent home. This is known as pro-social separation, Children were then redirected towards masturbation, with parents then reassuring their children that "you will get a chance to do that, someday". 

Masturbation was seen as an appropriate pressure valve for a child's sexuality. Children were weaned by age 3 because they were masturbating at that age. Children were not seen in terms of forced innocence like we see them today. A child was seen as a sexual being just like an adult, but one that had to wait until adulthood to fully express their sexuality - and even then, only within a marriage. Masturbation was not stigmatized like it is today, however. Children were readily redirected towards masturbation when they sought to mount another child or an adult. 

Children were never punished for their sexual behavior. But, at the same time, parents made it clear that sexual contact such as mounting behavior was not acceptable. Children were redirected away from their sexual target, and then instructed to masturbate instead. Usually, this meant separating two siblings - usually of the opposite sex - and then individually instructing them to masturbate. Parents also reassured children that they would get a chance at sex with a spouse that they loved.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!