The Fifth Commandment: Understanding true Christian obedience to parents (and why it doesn't involve punishment)

Many parents want their children to be obedient. This is a common wish for parents in their children in America. American parents want compliance, and they want it quick. Most gentle parenting advocates say that there are no quick fixes for childhood behaviors. The fact of the matter is that the Fifth Commandment legislates a different form of obedience to parents than the societal understanding of obedience. Parents think they have the right to demand respect from children, but they really don't.

The Fifth Commandment states in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

The contextual understanding of this commandment is a prohibition on elder abuse. Elder abuse was not a common form of abuse in biblical times, but when it happened, there was stigma to reporting it. Parent victims of elder abuse were blamed for their own abuse. A common thing parent victims of elder abuse were told by victim-blamers was "Where did they learn to behave that way?", blaming the victim for causing their own abuse. That is the reason behind the parent protection laws/ "Do not strike your parents" meant do not repeatedly beat your parents, and "do not curse your parents" means do not impose a gaslighting curse onto parents".

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to ensure that rest by giving children a warm and loving upbringing, winning over the hearts of their children. When parents use attachment parenting, especially skin-on-skin comforting strategies, children naturally listen to parents, and do so out of instinct, going along with parents in everything, tagging alongside parents. True biblical obedience to parents isn't based on fear of punishment, but instead involves fondness and warm regard for parents, leading to heeding instruction from parents. Heeding instruction from parents, in children, came from pure instinct. Attachment parenting brings out the instinct to cooperate with parents, and this is because the child feels safe with parents. This commandment lifts up the attachment parenting context of the Bible, for the relevance of all.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child in an exchange, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times, and receiving many warnings that their parenting habits were in violation of the Law. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damage or offense stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong. Paul was lifting up the Law for a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. No such parenting custom existed among the Early Christians, as the Early Christians used attachment parenting to gain cooperation of children.

Mothers, in biblical times, were the adults primarily charged in the care and protection of children. Mothers then did not use spanking or punishment to gain cooperation from children, but instead used skin-on-skin comforting strategies. Children never wore any clothing until they were adults, and mothers only wore clothing outside of the home. Children co-snuggled and co-slept with mothers, as well as co-mingled with parents, in skin-on-skin format. Children were breastfed until age 3 in biblical times. Respect for parents was a concept in biblical times, but was one based on closeness to parents, not fear of punishment from parents. Respecting your parents in biblical times meant being close to them, in the form of a secure parent-child bond. The results of attachment parenting? Children up until age 6 never left the side of parents, and when they did leave the side of parents, they never left the line of sight of parents. Nobody forced them to be that close to parents. They just were that close to parents. 

Children naturally listen to parents when parents use attachment parenting strategies with their child. There is something in the nature of children that makes them want to cooperate when held close to the bosom. The skin-to-skin contact between parent and child leads to automatic cooperation and compliance with children, on the instinctual level. Usually, children in attachment parenting homes, including those in biblical times, usually follow their parents from room to room, ranging next to parents. When you use skin-on-skin comforting strategies to comfort and reassure a child, perhaps a crying child, you develop a bond immediately. Once a mother holds their child to their bosom, it seems like the natural thing to do, thus it becomes a habit right away.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand! Let them forever be cast in to the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!