Attachment parenting: Why attachment parenting leads to obedience to parents

Many parents want their children to obey them. Most parents believe that only punitive measures such as spanking and punishment work to create an obedient bond between parent and child. This is a common mistake that parents make, thinking their children can easily be trained up like horses. The fact of the matter is that the goal of true biblical parenting is a secure parent-child bond.

The Fifth Commandment sets up the system of parental headship, and is repeated in the New Testament several times. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. It is secure rest in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in Jesus Christ. This verse refers to true biblical obedience, which is different from obedience as understood elsewhere in the English language. True biblical obedience is not based on fear of punishment, but instead warm fondness for parents, to the point of listening. When attachment parenting strategies such as skin-on-skin comfort are used, children automatically listen to parents, going along with parents out of instinct. True biblical obedience isn't based off of fearful hearkening to lawful commands, but is instead based off of tagging alongside parents, out of fondness and trust for parents, acting purely out of instinct - obedience to parents is listening to them at the instinctual level. Attachment parenting was the norm in Ancient Judeo-Christian culture, and was mandated under Jewish customary law and Christian church ordinance. This verse lifts up the attachment parenting context for the relevance of all, as true biblical obedience is based off of secure attachment, not fear of punishment.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times, and receiving enough warnings that such punitive measures were prohibited under the Law. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damage or offense stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment, in biblical times, was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong. Paul was lifting up this historical legal context to a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. No such parenting custom existed among the Early Christians. The Greeks and the Romans whipped boys, and spanked girls, for pretty much anything childish that they did. The Early Christians practiced attachment parenting. Attachment parenting among Christian parents was seen as "soft" among broader Greco-Roman society, and was a reason why Christians were hated in Rome.

Mothers, in biblical times, were primarily charged with the care and protection of children, with fathers nurturing from a more distant role. Mothers did not seek to control their children through spanking or other punishments. Instead, mothers used skin-on-skin comforting strategies in order to gain cooperation from children. Children wore no clothing at all until adulthood, and mothers only wore clothing outside the home. Mothers co-snuggled with children who cried for vulnerable needs, holding children close to their bosom, reassuring their every upset with mammary closeness. The results? Children never left the side of mothers until age 6, and even when they left her side, they never left her line of sight. They never complained about their cooperation and compliance to their parents, as this compliance was instinctual, and wasn't based on any fear of punishment at all. Respect for parents was a concept then, but that respect was based on closeness, not fear of punishment. Children respected their parents by being close to them, leading to cooperation and compliance to parents that was automatic and unquestioning in nature. Children didn't fear their parents, and thus they didn't question their parents' motives ever, blindly trusting them.

The core of attachment parenting is the skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. The skin-to-skin contact between mother and child builds a secure parent-child bond that lasts a lifetime. Skin-on-skin comforting strategies aren't just for infants and babies, but instead can benefit children of all ages. The very core of attachment parenting is skin-on-skin co-sleeping, and children up until age 10 - or maybe older (in the case of a developmental disorder) - can benefit from co-sleeping in skin-on-skin format. Skin-on-skin co-sleeping, co-snuggling, and co-mingling was how mothers formed a secure bond with their children in biblical times, leading to automatic cooperation and compliance in other areas of life. 

Adolescent rebellion in children, in biblical times, was not based on overthrowing or usurping parental authority. Children rebelled, upon hitting puberty, by seeking to shake off the closeness of parents, forming a life and identity apart from their parents. They still obeyed their parents, but they did so while striving to be independent. The goal of teenage rebellion was to prove to parents that children could be independent, seeking praise of the same. Parents would, on their end, encourage feats of independence in children, which were seen as milestones in their child's development, and were cherished moments in the parents' lives. Children in biblical times, even as young adults, always obeyed their parents, and that was because of the level of trust involved. Most children always were close to their parents, until death did them apart.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!