How to teach gratitude in parenting - without spanking or punishment

Many parents want to teach their children gratitude. Gratitude is a good trait to have as a human being. Many parents think it can only be taught by imposing harshness and punishment on children. However, there is a gentle, non-punitive way to teach gratitude that many parents overlook.

The Greek root word denoting entitlement in the New Testament, and cross-referencing the Fifth Commandment, is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and refers to, officially speaking, want, to the point of imposition. Unofficially speaking, this word refers to the slightest of unattainable want. If a want leads to a temper tantrum upon hearing the word "no", don't want it, and fight against that want. A child can't help but throw a temper tantrum, and so you cut them a break. However, YOU, as a parent, are capable of not throwing a temper tantrum when things don't go your way. This includes the issue of parental entitlement, where you feel the need to control and punish your child when they throw a temper tantrum. Isn't that the same as throwing a temper tantrum yourself? Parental entitlement is still entitlement, and is an entitlement problem that all adults, myself included, struggle with to some degree - it is the core of our entitlement, and the core of our sin nature, to want things from children. Practicing not wanting things from them, and being grateful for them, teaches them gratitude.

On the other hand, discipline, in the Christian tense, is denoted by the Greek root word παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to an admission of a depraved and entitled sin nature, ending up with an attitude that is entitled to nothing, and grateful for everything, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. This example won't be followed by children right away, perfectly. Children are immature and impulsive, and thus should be expected to engage in immature and childish behavior. Most behaviors, you just let go, unless they are unsafe or sinful in nature. If a behavior is unsafe or sinful, you simply redirect the behavior, not punish it. Never ignore a crying child, meaning reassure the child of your presence, and that you are there for them. Immature and childish behavior are preprogrammed into your child's brain, meaning they are going to act out at some point, due to their flawed human nature, and you just have to deal with it as a parent, usually by letting it happen. When you punish, these behaviors become repressed, and come out sideways in a more toxic way.

Every grateful example has to be backed up somehow. Spanking and punishment do not back up an example of gratitude towards children, as this sort of dealing with children only drives them away from the good example of parents. Attachment parenting is the time-honored method of dealing with children, meaning that when you use attachment parenting as a parent, children want to be just like you. The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting home is Christian Agape love, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao), and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a fearful and convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting safely and securely in the good works of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Parents are to be an extension of Christ in the family home, sacrificing for their children, just as Christ sacrificed for His children, with children resting in that sacrifice. Parents labor, toil, and work to win over the good graces of children, and children rest in the love and good works of parents. Attachment parenting was the established norm in Ancient Jewish culture. In Ancient Israel, attachment parenting was mandated under Jewish customary law. In the Early Church, attachment parenting was mandated under church ordinance. This word lifts up the attachment parenting context for the relevance of all.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, as defined under biblical law, at minimum, is the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in the context in which it was given, as a prohibition on all punitive parenting, including any punishment and controlling demeanor towards children. Patrias potestas translates to "power to the father" or "power to the parent", and refers to a father's legal right to police his home as he sees fit, under Greco-Roman law. No analogous law existed under Jewish law, as punishing your child was unlawful under Judeo-Christian law. Punitive parents, in the Old Testament, were put to death for kidnapping, when parents punished their children too many times, with each time being documented by extended family. The Law gave parents many warnings to cease their punitive habits, and then they were put to death by way of bloodletting. Paul was lifting up this legal context. Punitive parents, in the Early Church, were excommunicated for kidnapping, meaning all church members turned their backs on the parents, collectively shunning the parents.

The national parenting of the Ancient Jewish people, including the Early Christians, was a special, distinct form of attachment parenting where children were deified, in the form of pro-social deification and pro-social child worship. Children were worshipped and venerated as extensions of God and His Authority on earth, with parents being struck with reverent fear and terror for their child's every vulnerable need, with parents being compelled in the Lord to submit to and surrender to the every need/want of children, as the enemy of all children, just as mankind is the enemy of God and is to be subservient to Him as such. A child's every vulnerable want/need was seen as a lawful and binding summonses to parents, with the every cry and demand of children being Divine Law. Children could take their parents to court, and by then, the verdict had already been decided, with the ruling in favor of the child, every single time.

How did this form of deified parenting all pan out? Children went naked wherever they went. Women also went naked, in the family home, in order to serve their husband and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by giving them nourishment and sustenance, meaning breastmilk (until age 3) and skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy (especially during co-sleeping). By day, children ranged next to mothers, sometimes clinging to her. By night, children slept next to mothers, with mothers guarding children from all threats external and domestic, with children soaking up the rays of skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. Fathers also nurtured, bur from afar, usually by encouraging a child's religious education. Fathers spoke to children on formal terms, until the child "broke the ice" and invited their father to casual conversation. This stipulation was due to the fact that most adult men in biblical times were pedophiles towards their own children, but in an abstinent way. Instead of the attraction being driven in nature, it was connotational. Even then, child sexual abuse was seen as wicked and evil, with the ancients, even then, having their own concept of abuse. Mothers were charged with protecting children from the entitlement of fathers. The pedophilic desires were brought to the surface by way of the egalitarian nature of the parenting then. Both parents took orders from their children, letting their children boss them around.

Gratitude can be taught simply by showing gratitude in your example, and then backing it up with attachment parenting. With this sort of setup, childish and immature behaviors won't go away right away. Children cannot be expected to follow the example of parents right away. They will, most likely, be able to follow your example by young adulthood. If they don't by then, they likely have a developmental disability such as autism or ADHD. Attachment parenting makes children want to follow the example of parents, including the grateful traits of parents. But, parents must be grateful for everything first, or strive to be, and then children follow suit. This also means that parents should be grateful for their own child.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!