Time-out and grounding: Why this is not a good alternative to spanking (why time-in is better)

Many parents today are ditching spanking. In the 1990s, over 90% of parents punished their children physically. Now, that number is around 60%, thanks to better education and awareness among pediatric and mental health professionals. But, many parents are holding onto punitive elements of parents that they find out don't work. This includer time-out and grounding.

The story usually goes that parents who wanted to go the anti-spanking way started with time-out and grounding, but ended up just being friends with a child. That is a change of heart that is welcome, but you should be friends with your child from the very beginning, so not to impose undue trauma onto them.

No disciplinary measure should come from entitlement. Parental entitlement is denoted by the Greek root word πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and refers officially to wanting things from or of children, to the point of imposition, and unofficially, to any wants from a child. Ultimately, it is deadly entitlement when you throw a temper tantrum when your child isn't giving you what you want. Isn't that what time-out is? You throwing a fit, so you send them to their room? Children should be expected to throw fits, as they are emotionally labile and dysregulated - children have trouble with emotional regulation, and so they throw a fit. They need someone who is calm to not throw a fit. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. The good works of parents are denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a fearful and convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every need. That submission is from above, and children rest beneath without a worry in the world. This rest is an active rest, much like a "god" or "goddess" sitting on his or her throne, giving orders and decrees, and parents and other adults scrambling to obey. Apart from the Law, Jews and Christians in biblical times lived under customary law, which the Greek root word υπακουο makes relevant in regard to attachment parenting traditions. Attachment parenting was the traditional parenting of Ancient Israel, and this was spread forth by the death and Resurrection of Christ, and the expansion of the Christian church. The Jewish attachment parenting customs are relevant to Christians today.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, as defined under biblical law, at minimum, is the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended to prohibit all punishment, and can be applied in the modern context to false imprisonment of any kind of a child, such as time-out. This passage was intended to prohibit spanking and corporal punishment of children, when understood in context, but any hostage-taking action, including false imprisonment, was considered kidnapping, and was a church-wide offense leading to excommunication. In the Old Testament, kidnapping against children lead to the death penalty by way of bloodletting, and courts were quick to convict parents. What do you think time-out is? Locking a child forcibly into a room.

Time-out has no biblical basis as an alternative for spanking. Instead, time-in has biblical basis. Time-in, as done in the Bible, involves skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy with an upset, crying, or ramping up child. This involves mothers holding their children to their bosom, head first, with the child hearing their mother's heartbeat, resting safely and securely in the comforting bosom of mother, surrendering their every worry to their mother.

Time-in can come in many forms, usually with a parent kneeling to the level of the child. That is what parents in biblical times did, except women and children both went naked then in the home (children went naked everywhere they went), and thus, when a child was crying, the mother would pick up the child or kneel down to his/her level, and then hold the child to her bosom. Within 1 to 2 minutes, the child quieted down and was able to be reasoned with.

Time-in is now the recommended antidote to a meltdown. Time-out was recommended in the 1990s-early 2000s as a means to "teach children self-control". The fact of the matter is that children can't control themselves - that's why we consider them children and not little adults. The idea is to excuse the immaturity and let children grow up at their own pace. Time-in is also recommended in the Bible by way of word-window to the context.

The depraved and entitled parents that provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!