Why there should be zero expectations on children in parenting

Many parents believe that children should be issued expectations to work on and meet. This is a common belief among parents, with parents citing Scripture to justify their want to expect things of their children. The fact of the matter is that children don't need expectations in order to thrive, and in fact, they can be entitlement.

The Greek root word denoting entitlement in the New Testament, and cross-referencing the Tenth Commandment, is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and refers officially to parental entitlement, which is want from or of a child, to the point of imposition, but unofficially, to any want from a child, period. Ask, and you shall receive from your child, if they are able to do so given their age and development. Demand, and you get nothing but resentment. 

The centerpiece of a Christian parenting relationship is Christian love, which is denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao), and is defined as putting children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting safely and securely in parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, and instead comes from restful trust in parents, with children being able to tell parents anything and everything that is on their mind, including admissions of wrongdoing, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. Children made demands and issued orders onto their parents in biblical times, and parents were seen as milking-objects for the use of parents, with children being in place of God, milking and demanding from parents their every need, and parents knew that they'd better provide, heeding orders from children out of reverent fear. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, here, is defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. In this commandment, the Apostle Paul is lifting up the Law on the punishment and controlling demeanor towards children. Paul was rebuking a group of Greek Christians that brought their pagan spanking custom into the church, and were misusing Proverbs to justify their abuse even then. Paul was warning the Greek Chiristians that Proverbs is merely wisdom literature, and not a book on parenting. Paul himself was anti-spanking, and opposed to ever punishing a child.

Expectations, at all, often lead to disappointment. This includes in parenting. It is better to simply have preferences. What is the difference? Preferences are a statement of how you think your child's behavior should be, without making any impositions. Once you impose it, it is expectations. It is also entitlement to impose any want or preference onto a child. Preferences should stay preferences.

Most punishments imposed on children are for developmentally appropriate behaviors, meaning behaviors understandable given the child's age and developmental level. Children's behaviors come in phases, meaning a child that acts up at age 3 won't be doing the same thing at age 13 - they are at different places of development. Instead of imposing expectations, respond to behaviors such as crying, and just roll with it as your child develops, watching your child develop and grow without interfering to hasten development. 

What a crying child needs most is comfort and reassurance, preferably through skin-to-skin closeness. There is a place on the top of the bosom where a mother can always place her child for quick comfort. A crying child has a need, and that need is not to be rushed or hurried with expectations. Children meet milestones when they do, and every child is different. Some children clearly have arrested or delayed development, and that is usually the case with autism spectrum disorder (ASDs), mood disorders, and bipolar disorder. Even then, punishment won't solve the problem, and with many cases of autism in particular, the damage from even lawful punishment stands out more, in a way that often convicts their parents. 

Parents in biblical times comforted their children when they cried, always, with mothers holding their children to their bosoms for comfort and reassurance, with children and mothers both being naked and engaging in skin-to-skin closeness. Children went naked wherever they went in biblical  then times. Parents did not have expectations for their children. Children were encouraged in their own development, religious and otherwise, and were encouraged to have expectations for themselves, with independence being a goal for parents as opposed to an expectation.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast in to the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!