Why children don't need to be disciplined (and why parents need discipline more)

Discipline is an important life skill. It is good to have discipline and order as an adult. But, do children deserve to have such legalism forced on them? Or, conversely, should we be modeling it to them? Children don't need discipline. They need a strong, self-controlled example to fall back on.

The Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, for this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a specific standard of Christian discipline, in parents in relation to children, that is entitled to nothing, and grateful for everything. Children owe parents nothing, and parents owe children everything, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow, backed up by instruction as a righteous test for developmental capacity, meaning that when children do not listen the first time to instructions, it is assumed that they do not understand what is being asked of them, with this form of instruction being denoted by the Greek root word νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) which refers to righteous instruction of children. Righteous instruction of children is never backed up by violence, as denoted by the Greek root word παροργιζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, under biblical law, is defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child. In this commandment, Paul is lifting up the Law against punishment and controlling demeanor, rebuking Greek Christians who were misusing the book of Proverbs to justify their pagan custom of spanking children. Paul was warning the Greek parents that Proverbs was simply wisdom literature, not a book on parenting. Paul, in fact, was anti-spanking, and opposed punishing a child for any reason.

Christian love is the centerpiece of a Christian parenting relationship, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao), and refers to putting children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a convicted way that leads to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every need, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in parents. The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but from restful trust in parents, with children telling parents anything and everything that is on their mind, including admissions of wrongdoing, expecting absolutely no punishment and reprisal in return. The goal for every Christian parent in the 1st Century was a secure parent-child bond, where parents worked to win over their children's trust, and then children rested in their work.

Most behaviors that children are punished for in modern American society are for developmentally appropriate behaviors understandable given their age and developmental level. The idea is not to intervene with every behavior, but to respond to certain behaviors, and let others go. A 2-year-old who screams at the top of her lungs just likes the sound of her voice. She's not going to understand that screaming in public is socially unacceptable. Children cry always because they need something, including loving attention, meaning an older child cries for the same reason a baby cries - they need love. 

If you are your child's mother, the best way to deal with a crying child is to place them, or at least their head, on your bosom for full comfort and sustenance. This stops crying immediately, and at the same time encourages children to confide into parents. Fathers can reassure children as well, but since they don't have a bosom like a mother has, they can have a child cry over their shoulder. The bosom is there in mothers not to be sexually objectified by men, but to nurture children. 

Children don't need discipline, but a disciplined example from parents. This means parents must stifle both parent anger and parent attraction, and channel it elsewhere. Parental entitlement is denoted by the Greek root word πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés), and refers to wanting things from or of children to the point of imposition. But, why even want anything from a child? It is not good to want anything from a child. When you feel like you will impose a want onto a child, do whatever the opposite of that want is, and maybe channel that self-interest elsewhere, where it doesn't impact the child or anyone else. The more you avoid wants and channel them elsewhere, the more it becomes a habit.

Children also need a secure parent-child bond with parents to back up that disciplined example from parents, meaning children need a reason to follow the example imparted by parents. A secure parent-child bond is usually formed on the mother's end of raising children, by skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy with children. In biblical times, children went naked wherever they went, and mothers went naked traditionally in the family home, to serve both her husband and children separately - children snuggled in the nude with their mothers, in skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. Parents in biblical times were very close with their children, on an equal yet guiding level. Parents guided their children along, but in a fun way that catered to the immaturity of children, with parents "growing up with" their children. The more fun a child had with a parent, the more they wanted to be like that parent. Childhood in biblical times was full of warm encouragement, and a lot of sustaining comfort alongside it. Children ran to parents when they had a problem, not peers or strangers...This context is necessary for a proper Christian parenting relationship, even if it may be dated in some ways.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast in to the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!