Understanding the Fifth Commandment - and why it doesn't mean blind obedience to parents

Many parents think that they have the right to demand respect from children, and cite the Fifth Commandment to honor parents. This is a common misuse of Scripture, and misunderstanding of children, from parents. The fact of the matter is that the Fifth Commandment does not require blind compliance from minor children, and merely legislates a ban on elder abuse.

The Fifth Commandment states in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This commandment is divine legislation against elder abuse. Elder abuse occurred quite a bit in Ancient Israel. It wasn't rampant, but instead uncommon in a way that was very isolating for its victims. Ancient Israelite society tended to take the side of children, including adult children, and thus it was a shame to take the stand in court against one's child. The attitude was "they must have learned that somewhere" and that statement was used to blame the victim in cases of elder abuse. So, God instated the parent protection laws, solely in the context of the Old Testament, to combat elder abuse. All of the parent protection laws except the Fifth Commandment itself are repealed verses, meaning we don't put children to death today just because they struck or gaslit their parents. "Do not strike your parents" meant do not beat or bludgeon your aging parents, and "do not curse your parents" means do not put a gaslighting curse in them. Gaslighting and striking others were already unlawful, but only on the civil level. These laws made crimes against parents a high priority for God.

The centerpiece of a Christian parenting relationship is Christian love, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to putting children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a convicted way that leads to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents comes not from fearful compliance, but instead restful trust in parents, leading to children telling parents anything and everything under the sun, including admissions of wrongdoing, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return from parents. Attachment parenting was the established norm in Ancient Israel and the Early Church. Think a Christian mother holding pales of water, with a young child wrapped up next to her bosom in swaddling clothes, and an older child strapped to her back in a papoose bag. That was how children surrendered to parents back in biblical times. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, as defined under biblical law, at minimum, is the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child. In this commandment, the Apostle Paul was lifting up the Law on punishment and controlling demeanor towards children, rebuking Greek Christian parents for bringing their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Christian parents of Greek descent were misusing the book of Proverbs to justify their punishment habits towards their children. Paul here was warning the Greek Christians that Proverbs is simply wisdom literature, and not a book on parenting. Paul himself was anti-spanking, and opposed punishing a child for any reason.

Children surrendered to parents, in biblical times, not by submitting to punishment or controlling demeanor, but by being honest with parents, telling them anything and everything that is on their minds, expecting absolutely no punishment in return. All child surrender means in the Bible is rest, meaning children rest safely and securely in parents, with the parents doing good works so that children could rest in their parents, just as adult believers rest in the Lord.

The Fifth Commandment refers ultimately to a secure parent-child bond, on the receiving end, meaning the child's end. Children went naked wherever they went in biblical times, and mothers also were naked traditionally in the home, in order to serve both their husband and their children separately. Children rested in the bosom of mothers, being comforted and reassured in a sustaining way, with children snuggling with their mother in the nude. Children up until age 6 never left the side of parents, with mothers sleeping next to their children until age 6, and often much later than age 6, perhaps into young adulthood.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!