A secure parent-child bond: Why this should be a goal for all Christian parents

Many parents think that obedience is the goal in parenting. Many of these parents misuse the Bible as an excuse for abuse. This is a common attitude among parents, demanding slavish obedience when it isn't called for at all. The fact of the matter is that the Bible commands that children be raised in an environment where there is a secure parent-child bond. 

The main component of a Christian parenting relationship is Christian love, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao), and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but instead restful trust in parents, with children telling parents anything and everything that is on their mind, including admissions of wrongdoing or misunderstood condition, expecting absolutely no punishment in return. Attachment parenting was the norm in Ancient Israel and the Early Church. Think a Christian mother holding pales of water, with a young child wrapped up next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, and an older child being strapped to the mother's back in a papoose bag. Boil over, then safe. That was the parenting norm then. Mothers and fathers were both selfless in their own ways.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, under biblical law, is defined as the slightest of personal offenses perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. In this commandment, the Apostle Paul is lifting up the Law against punishment and controlling demeanor in parenting, rebuking Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. These parents were using the book of Proverbs to justify the abuse of their children even then. Paul was warning that Proverbs was simply wisdom literature, not a book on parenting. Paul himself was anti-spanking, and opposed any punishment of a child. The teaching of "biblical spanking" does not come from the Bible, but European pagan bias imposed upon the Roman Catholic Church, stemming from the tendency of the church to proselytize by pandering to the local pagan custom of the nation they were proselytizing to. Roman Catholic priests allowed for spanking and punishment of children in exchange for conversion to Christ, weaving into their form of Christianity the spanking and corporal punishment customs of their culture.

The goal of every Christian parent should be a secure parent-child bond. Mothers and fathers carried out different roles in a child's life in biblical times. Mothers were charged with the role of providing nourishment and sustenance, namely breastmilk and skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy respectively. Children went naked wherever they went, and mothers also were naked in the confines of the family home. Mothers and children snuggled in the nude, engaging in skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy, in total bliss! The nudity lowered the level of attachment to equal levels. Fathers played a slightly different role in a child's development, standing by in protection, all the while being drawn into the child's games and studies, encouraging warmly the religious education of the child. Fathers had a parent attraction to their children, on the connotational level, on average at the level of "sun tan spray". Child sexual abuse was seen as wicked and evil even then, as the ancients had a concept of sexual abuse and a concept of childhood. Fathers instead showed their attractions to the court - considered parenting flaws then - by speaking of their children as deified persons, putting them on a pedestal, speaking of them using baroque, flowery language. 

Fathers and mothers both doted on their children for their flaws, not despite them. Children caused much mischief, and that was expected of children, and came with the territory of becoming a parent. Especially older children ran through the house, knocking things over, making messes, and then they laughed when they played tricks on parents - and parents laughed as well. Parents, when around children, stooped down to the child's level, but in a guiding way. Childhood was seen differently then. Children were seen as full people, with an ability to be a jester of sorts, and they were laughed along with when they played tricks on adults. Parents then were the fun type to relate to the child as an equal.

Creating a secure parent-child bond starts even before birth, at conception. Older preborn children can be read to by the mother, meaning the child is an actual child. At birth until age 6, mothers can co-sleep with children. Children who are forced to sleep on their own before age 6 often have abstract fears of "monsters". This, in biblical times, was snakes and scorpions, as well as dad. The latter form of predator has not ceased to exist. Most children are sexually abused at night, in their own bedroom, by a member of the household. This is when you get to bond with your child, and also test to see, if you are the mother, if you selected the proper father for your child, as sexual predators are threatened by co-sleeping or anything maternal in nature. It is recommended that mothers sleep next to their children in the nude, as it was done in biblical times - that should extricate any abuser from a partner real fast.

The easiest way to bond with your child is when they are crying. In biblical times, children were held at the top of the bosom of mothers. This soothed children instantly, and then children confided in parents anything and everything that upset or frustrated them. This is recommended for ALL children, including those with physically aggressive streaks due to bipolar disorder or another mood disorder. A temper tantrum is a fight-or-flight reaction to the word "no". Some children actually react by physically fighting and then battering their parents, much in the same fashion that a man would physically abuse his wife. Children need comfort and sustenance, especially when they are upset, right there and then. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!