Why a secure parent-child bond is crucial for parenting

Many parents think the core of parenting is discipline, meaning chastening up a child for adulthood, punishing them and controlling them to "make them" into something else. Many of these parents cite the Bible as "proof" that children need to be disciplined. They don't need discipline, but instead a secure parent-child bond.

What is a good parent-child bond made of? Christian love, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao). This refers to being convicted of one's child's needs, putting children first, and parents last, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents isn't based off of fearful compliance, but restful surrender into the loving arms of parents. Parents were bondservants, charged with providing for children in the form of righteous enslavement in a secure parent-child bond. Attachment parenting was the norm in Ancient Israel and the Early Church. Think a Christian mother holding pales of water, with a young child wrapped up in the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, and another child strapped to her mother's back in a papoose bag. That was the parenting then.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. This refers to the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch and speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. In this commandment, the Apostle Paul was lifting up the Law on punishment and controlling demeanor towards children, rebuking Greek Christians who had a punishment habit towards their children. Punishment and controlling demeanor towards children carried severe penalties, and was seen as worthy of death in the Old Testament. Punitive parents were excommunicated from the Early Christian churches, as punitive parenting was seen as kidnapping/grand theft, thus a church-wide offense. The rod verses in Proverbs - all seven of them - are repealed verses, meaning they only are relevant to the cultural and legal context to which they were written. This is because the passages refer to a dated form of judicial corporal punishment conflated closely with the death penalty in Ancient Israel - the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, administered to the bare back of an ADULT child who violated the Law, as a final warning before putting him to death, with proper and adequate due process leading to a criminal conviction in a court of law. MINOR children could not be whipped for anything, as they were deemed incompetent to stand trial for criminal acts or civil wrongs that they committed, due to a defense of infancy under Jewish law. Under Christian law, corporal punishment was not used except between spouses as a form of mutual accountability that was consensual in nature. Apart from that, law was enforced by way of pro-social non-association and pro-social avoidance. The death penalty was banned, and Christians were banned from participating in Roman executions or floggings.

The goal for all parents in biblical times was a secure parent-child bond. Parents, meaning mothers and fathers both, took up different roles in a child's upbringing. Mothers were responsible for providing nourishment and sustenance, namely breastmilk and skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy respectively. Children in Ancient Israel and the Early Church were naked wherever they went. Mothers snuggled closely with children while in the nude, with mothers being traditionally naked in home settings. The skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy coming from nude children lowered the level of attachment to equal level. Fathers were friends with their children on a more casual, passive level, like a human ragdoll, with connotational parent attraction towards their children. Child sexual abuse was still seen as wicked and evil even then, and fathers who abused their children through sexually entitled drives were seen as worthy of death. Fathers instead presented their parent attraction to the court by speaking in flowery, baroque language about children - especially older daughters - in an almost poetic manner. Fathers especially, but also mothers, put their children on a pedestal, speaking of them as if they were gods and goddesses to worship, with child worship in a pro-social manner being a norm in biblical times - children were seen as extensions of God, meaning in place of God.

Parenting in Ancient Israel and the Early Church alike was very servile for parents. Parents were seen as servants of God, not authority figures, with children being in place of God. Parents were milking-objects, meaning merely tools for children to use for their own disposal, saying thank you later to honor their parents. Children made demands and orders, and parents were expected to give in and give up, surrendering to the every need of a child, reassuring them when a want isn't attainable nor safe. 

Most behaviors that children are punished for are developmentally appropriate behavior, understandable given their age and development. This means letting go of a lot of energetic and rambunctious behavior, particularly at home. It is normal for children to run around the house. It is normal for children not to listen the first time, and when they don't listen the first time, it should be assumed that they don't understand the instruction given, as their brain size and development won't allow them to understand certain instructions. Just give them a good, disciplined example, and that's all you need to get through to them, at least come adulthood.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!