Discipline: Why children don't need discipline (parents do)

Many parents think children need discipline, and think it is "commonsense". This is a common misconception about children, and is commonly justified by Scripture as a religious excuse for abuse. The fact of the matter is that discipline is for parents.

The Apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, as this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a specific standard of Christian discipline in parents in relation to children, namely one that is entitled to nothing, but grateful for everything, especially in relation to children. Children owe nothing to parents, and parents owe children everything. This leads to a chastened up example for children to follow, backed up by instruction as a righteous test, meaning that if a child does not listen to instructions, it is assumed that the child does not understand the instructions due to age and development, as denoted by the Greek root word translated "admonition" which is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to warning from parents that a certain want is unattainable or unsafe, usually using the word "no" and then giving an explanation. If the child does not listen beyond that point, it is assumed that the child cannot listen due to immature age and development, as children can only grasp a concept when their brain is ready to grasp it, and young children under age 6 can't understand simple things such as that the street is dangerous or that the stove is hot (and I support picking up a child and snuggling with them then). This is all backed up by the Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" which is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely here child abuse. This means the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. The Apostle Paul, here, was lifting up the Law on the punishment or controlling demeanor towards children, rebuking Greek Christians who had punitive parenting habits towards children. Punishment of children carried severe penalties in both the Old and New Testaments, with the traditional punishment for kidnapping by way of punishing children being chenek or bloodletting (hanging up parents like poultry). The seven verses in Proverbs that mention the rod of correction are repealed verses, meaning that they only apply to the context in which they were given. This is because they reference not any form of "biblical spanking" for MINOR children, but a dated form of judicial corporal punishment linked closely to the death penalty in Ancient Israel - the 40 minus 1 lashes for ADULT children, as a final warning before putting the offender to death. It was a once and a lifetime experience for an adult, and was intended a frantic act to save an ADULT child from death. MINOR children could not legally be whipped, as they could not be held culpable for criminal acts or civil wrongs that they committed. The Early Church prohibited both capital and corporal punishment, and forbade parishioners in any church community from participating in any Roman execution or whipping. Law enforcement in the Early Church carried the form of pro-social non-association, in collective format, until you lost all your friends, and then you were excommunicated.

How should we reinforce the example of parents? The concept of Christian love is denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to being convicted of one's child's needs, to the point of putting children first, and parents last, leading to dutiful and selfless submission to the every need of children, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in parents. This restful surrender to the loving arms of parents is denoted by the English verb "obey" in vs. 1, and the corresponding Greek root word υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) which refers secure, vulnerable rest in parents. The goal in biblical parenting, as it was then, is a secure parent-child bond, with parents being selfless bondservants to their children, righteously enslaved to their children just as they are to God (Matt. 25:31-46). Parents used attachment parenting to relate to their children, with children being naked wherever they went, and so were mothers in the domestic sphere, with mothers and children snuggling and engaged in intense closeness while naked. Children who restfully trust in parents go on, eventually, as adults, to following their example, and taking on traits after their parents, for good or for bad. Taking up a parent's example was the ultimate honor for parents. Children owe parents nothing in return for their care and protection, as respect and honor of a parent's example is earned. Children naturally want to listen to parents, to the degree that their age and development allows. 

Most behaviors that children get punished for are developmentally-appropriate in nature, and are understandable given the child's age and development. Most all childish behaviors from children are phases, and if left be or else empathized with, they will go away in due time, leading to the next phase in development. Punishment and controlling measures simply delay development, and there is research to prove all of this. If development is delayed or stagnant, this is a sign of a developmental disability such as autism or ADHD. Children followed the example of parents, but only at their own pace, with them meeting milestones along the way. This is how parents raised their children in biblical times.

Free play was acceptable in biblical times, with high-risk play being allowed as well. The most common high-stakes game in biblical times was "marriage", where a boy and a girl made a pretend-play agreement to get married. Despite the marital contract being signed by sexual intercourse on the dotted line, most children simply embraced to pretend-play the final stage of a wedding. When a boy showed interest in penetrating a child, however, parents stepped in, and both of them were separated (children went naked wherever they went then). The boy was instructed by fathers reassuringly "you'll get a chance", as a loving lesson in chastity that was meant to reassure the bummed out boy. Children, by night, slept next to mothers...Maybe a bit of this context is dated, but much of it can be applied today, perhaps with some tweaking. The moral of the story is children deserve freedom with supervision.

Discipline is important for parents, meaning discipline is FOR parents and NOT for children. It is all about avoiding the Greek root word πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and refers officially to parental entitlement, or want from or of a child to the point of imposition, or else seeking the first steps to commit sexual sin in the case of adult fornication of children (GRK: επιθυμέω, epithumeo, adult sexual entitlement). Unofficially, parental entitlement means any want from a child, as it is not good to want things from children. In order to discipline oneself, the idea is to stifle anger or sexual desire towards children, and channel it elsewhere (somewhere private and away from children in the case of sexual desire). Do the opposite of what you want from a child, or else ask them of what you want politely, and see what kind of answer you get then. Ask, and you shall receive from a child, if they are ready developmentally. Demand, and you get nothing but resentment from children. Taking up this attitude leads to it being passed on through example to the next generation, passing on Christian family values.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!