Zero expectations: Why parents should have no expectations for children

Many parents believe that children need expectations, meaning structure and discipline imposed on them. Most parents think expectations are a good thing in parenting. The fact of the matter is that expectations towards children are a sign of entitlement.

The Greek root word denoting entitlement in the New Testament is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and refers officially, here, to wanting things from children to the point of imposition. An expectation is an imposition, if it leads to the parent throwing a temper tantrum and getting angry when children don't meet expectations. Any limits set by the parents should be a righteous test to see if the child is old enough and well developed enough to listen to instructions from parents. In terms of Christian love, in the non-entitled format, parents are to expect absolutely nothing in return for their service towards their child.

The idea is to instead have preferences for your child. Preferences are different than expectations in that they are less coercive. You can prefer a child to be something, usually something you are, but they are going to go the way you want them to go. Children need to be taught by way of example primarily, not by way of imparting expectations. 

How should a Christian parent? It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, for this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and that thy days may be long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a specific standard of Christian discipline in parents in relation to children, namely one that is entitled to nothing, but grateful for everything, including in relation to children. Children owe parents nothing, but parents owe children everything, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with this leading to a chastened up example for children to follow and emulate, backed up by the rare agreed-upon warning that a want is unsafe or unattainable, denoted by the Greek root word for "admonition" which is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia). This word ultimately refers to the word "no" or its various variants, as a righteous test to see if children are able to heed instruction, and if they don't listen, it should be assumed that they can't. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to provocations to anger, meaning the slightest of personal offenses perceived by the child, including the slightest of unwanted touch perceived by the child. This verse, in context, prohibits any punishments nor controlling measures in parenting. The Apostle Paul, with this command, was rebuking Greek Christians for misusing Proverbs as an excuse for the pagan custom of spanking children brought into the church. The seven verses in Proverbs depicting the rod of correction are repealed verses, as they reference a dated form of judicial corporal punishment - the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, prepared for ADULT children. Minor children could not be charged with any moral crime due to a defense of infancy in the righteous judgment of the time.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents, with parents prioritizing children first, and parents last, to the point of submission to children, with children resting in said submission. Attachment parenting was the norm in biblical times. Think pales of water held by a mother gathering water from a nearby river, with her young child being wrapped up in swaddling blankets, warm and cozy in the bosom of mother, with an older child running around in the nude, showing her vulnerability. The modern equivalent? Comforting a crying child by wrapping them up next to your bosom as a mother, with swaddling blankets fresh out of the driver, holding your child close as you push your shopping cart through the checkout line, with another child at home with just a shirt on, not having a care in the world that they have no pants on, and neither should the child care - if an adult sexualizes it, it is their problem, not the child's. This is how God wants you to parent your children.

Zero expectations parenting means no expectations, and only preferences for behavior. In order to change behavior in your child, you will need to work with your child and negotiate with them as to how the problem behavior can be changed, with you, the parents, stating a preference. Be the preference you want your child to be, and your child will want to be like you. 

Children who grow up in high expectations environments grow up to rely on others having expectations for them, and can't think or morally reason for themselves. This is a common cause for criminality, as a criminal is someone who relies on the punishments and restrictions of society to police them and keep them in line, and when they know they won't get caught, they commit crimes. This means the bulk of American society are capable of committing crimes under the right/wrong circumstances, and this means we will need more police until spanking and punishment is banned.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!