Why behavior is communication: Understanding children's behaviors from a biblical perspective

Many people think disciplining children includes carrot and stick methods, namely punishments and rewards. However, children are complex human beings, with complex wants, desires, and needs. Children have a reason for behaving the way they do.

Children in biblical times were not the most docile type of child. They were demanding in nature, petitioning for their needs and a redress of grievances. What did Hebrew parents know that we don't? Children's behavior was seen as communication. 

Every single parent and adult is guilty in relation to children, and is deserving of DEATH and DESTRUCTION merely for existing in relation to children, with parents especially being meek and shamefaced in relation to children, leading to prioritizing one's child's needs and wants above your own, to the point of selfless and dutiful submission to children from above, with children resting below in the love and grace of parents. It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to rest in the love and grace of parents. This rest allowed children to demand and petition for needs and a redress of grievances. Why did children behave in a defiant or problematic way then? Same as now - they need to communicate. Parenting in ancient Judeo-Christian culture were attachment parents, meaning they wrapped their children close to them in swaddling blankets, and breastfed children until age 3. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to provocations to anger against children, as defined as the slightest of offenses perceived by a child, which included in the time of the Apostle Paul, and throughout the legal context of the Bible, any punishment and control of children, including corporal punishment such as spanking and whipping. Paul here was rebuking Greek Christians who were misusing Scripture, namely the verses in Proverbs, to justify their pagan custom of spanking children, with the Apostle Paul trying to put a stop to the trend in the church communities he oversaw as a deacon. Behavior in children was seen then as vulnerable attempts to communicate a need.

Children cry, scream, whine, and show aggression for one reason - to communicate. Behavior in children is communication, and the idea is not to modify the behavior, but to listen to it and respond to it, determining what the child needs. A child's world is just as complex as ours, but they don't have the words to communicate what they need, and so they cry, and they pout, and they whine. Furthermore, children are more driven out of impulse to act out to get what they need. This was known to parents in biblical times, as they followed their instincts in parenting, and thus saw childhood behaviors as communication, and sought to diagnose the need of the child, based off of the child's stated wants. Usually, what a child wants is what they need, in some way and some form.

Usually, children state their needs outright, especially as they get older, but in indirect ways. Demands for toys or a bicycle at a store may be a plea for attachment with a parent, as the goodies would come from the parent, and the child would associate YOU with the item they received, thanking you even if they couldn't.

Being a child is like fighting through fog, trying to communicate a need, and falling short every time, feeling defeated in the end. What is worse? Nobody cares what you need in the adult world. They stonewall you, and then point to each other to promote each other as "the adult" to listen to. Getting your emotional and attachment needs met especially was an uphill battle for me as a child.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into everlasting Hell and torment, suffering God's Wrath for all eternity! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!