Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior

Many parents think temper tantrums are bad behavior. Most children are punished for throwing tantrums in public or in private. It is the number precursor for child abuse in the United States, lawful or unlawful in nature. Temper tantrums are not bad behavior, but are simply a way for children to grieve denied wants.

Wants and needs are dealt with in the Bible under the doctrine of mutual surrender. It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to trust in parents leading to listening. Replace "obey" with "trust" and you get a roughly better translation. This is a special type of trust, built out of maternal warmth and sustenance. This is an open type of trust, where you bare your soul to your parents, telling them anything and everything under the sun, using them as a pro-social confessor...and that's what tantrums are - your child confessing their upset with a denial of wants. They are brand new to this world, and aren't used to rejection. Allow them time to process the denial.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to provocations to anger imposed upon children by adults, meaning all offenses against children, with "offense" meaning the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child. This included all punishment and control of children, including spanking and other forms of corporal punishment. The Apostle Paul was cracking down on punitive parenting brought into the church by Greek Christian fathers. Corporal punishment of children especially was legally defensible under Roman law, but not under Jewish law. Striking a child for any reason was seen as unlawful by the church body in the 1st Century. If you swatted a child for throwing a temper tantrum, the whole church community would have you throwing the temper tantrum before receiving the boot and excommunicated from God's Church. They didn't play around about punishing children then. It was an egregious offense - the parishioners wanted the parents to die, even if Christ forbade it, and that anger drove the church inquisition.

A temper tantrum is grieving in temporary format. Simply listen to and validate tears WITHOUT punishment. A good thing to say to a crying child is "I'm here" or "I'm here to listen" without adding judgment or punishment to the end of your reassuring words. Most adults have meltdowns too, but have such internally, and have enough life experience behind them to deal with their emotions wisely. A child is naturally impulsive and lacks life experience to water down their cries and upsets. 

Some children do not cry when they throw tantrums, but break out in a fury of aggression. These children have bipolar disorder or other mood disturbances, and need medication as soon as possible. The proper approach beforehand involves even less restrictions, given the overly controlled source of the oppositional and defiant behavior. What such a child needs is for parents to be a pro-social punching bag, meaning the parent takes it *in tears*, meaning the bipolar child sees the harm of their aggressive and violent outbursts right away. I was that type of child growing up, and I did not stop being aggressive until the adult started crying.

Wanting a child to just shut up and be idle enough to seek to impose it on them is entitlement. Children cry, children scream. Get over it, parents, and quit being such entitled snowflakes punishing your child like that just because their cries hurt your sensitive little parent feelings. Get a grip. Children are a part of society, and if you don't like it, that's just too bad, because they are, and that will never change until the end of time.

Children are an extension of God, and thus children should be honored and given most of what they want, in some way or form, with parents being struck with reverent fear and terror for their child, as an altar of God (Matt. 25:31-46). Only decline a want when all other options aren't available, and otherwise give them everything they want as long as it can be attained and is within the values of your family.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger by not listening to them will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!