Temper tantrums: What to do about them

Many parents think of temper tantrums as bad behavior. Tantrums are a common excuse for punishing children. Temper tantrums are the most common reason why children are punished, by parents and other similarly charged adults. This Christmas season is full of triggers for children to tantrum, meaning they might just be tired, or they might want things that adults aren't willing to give them, for good reasons or not.

It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure trust in parents. Replace "obey" and "trust" and you come to a roughly better translation. This refers to a special form of trust, borne out of maternal warmth and sustenance. Attachment parenting was the norm in biblical times, with children being swaddled next to parents up until adulthood, being wrapped up next to mothers in her swaddling clothes, being held close to parents, respecting and honoring parents later. It is surrender into the loving arms of parents. Attachment parenting was the Judeo-Christian tradition in actual biblical parenting.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to provocations to anger, meaning any and all offenses against children, as defined as the slightest of personal slights perceived by the child, stemming from entitlement. Entitlement here is unlawful intent, meaning wanting things for children or of children to the point of seeking to impose said want onto children, leading to them taking offense. However, sometimes, you have to say "no", which may hurt the child's feelings and cause a temper tantrum. This is where reassurance and validation of upset comes in - you reassure a child to affirm your good intent around them, and thus disprove entitlement by not being entitled towards their feelings. The Apostle Paul intended this verse to prohibit any punitive parenting, including any punishment or control such as spanking or corporal punishment, rebuking Greek Christian parents for their pagan custom of spanking children. Corporal punishment only existed in the Old Testament, and only as a sentence for crime for ADULT children, with the rod verses referring to the dated 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction. Think department of corrections, and then you truly understand what corporal punishment was then for the Israelites. Christ was put to death and experienced corporal punishment so that we don't have to, with this including children.

Tantrums are not bad behavior. They are a form of grieving in children, meaning they wanted something, and they can't have it, and so they are going to cry to bargain with parents about what they want. So, bargain with them if you can, and instead of saying "no" to the bicycle, say "next pay period" when you can afford to get a bicycle. Do not say "no" as an absolute statement unless you really cannot compromise, usually for unsafe behaviors. Do not decline children's demands and requests unless you really have to, meaning if they are completely unattainable or unsafe. With monetary issues, there are usually ways for parents to budget to give their children what they want, but usually, parents are too lazy to budget for their child's wants/needs. 

A want is seen as coming from the parent by the child, and therefore, the parent must give in most times and find a way to make things work for the child, and you usually can, if you care about your child and accept them that much. Any time they want stuff from the store, they really want YOU, and some reminder that YOU care about them, enough to buy them all that stuff, because "you're worth it" is what they hear from you. The idea is to let them buy the candy in the checkout line, because it comes from YOU.

Sometimes, very young children grieve the lack of comfort and predictability when at home, while isolated in a shopping cart. They want to sleep, so reassure them that "we'll be home soon" in a soft, caring voice, maybe listing the items you need to get, uttering each item out loud as purchased. They need to be able to predict when they will leave an overwhelming environment when they are tired, and announcing bought items will help them track time on the way out of the supermarket, mall, or department store. God wants parents to not show entitlement towards a child's tiredness. Sometimes, they just want attention, so give them such, perhaps by making an innocent joke such as peek-a-boo or having a conversation (with an older child or teenager).

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death! Let them be tormented in everlasting Hell and fire, suffering God's Wrath for all eternity! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!