Pro-social permissiveness: Why children should get most of what they want

Many parents think that they need to stop every childhood behavior. Most parents punish children for behaviors that annoy THEM, and don't bother the child or anyone else. Pro-social permissiveness is the act of letting go of children's behaviors.

The doctrine of mutual surrender states in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to trust in parents. Replace "obey" with "trust" and you roughly come to a better translation. This refers to a special type of trust borne out of maternal warmth and sustenance. This meant children got most of what they wanted, and many childhood behaviors were let go in the Early Church in the presence of parents. Children were seen then differently than they are today. The false doctrine of childhood "innocence" that is enforced on children today comes from the Victorian era, not the Bible. Children were seen as big and bad in an endearing way, meaning parents saw naughty behavior as expected, and something to laugh off. Parenting was attachment-based in ancient Israel and adjoining churches, with children sleeping next to their parents, namely mothers, into adulthood, with children being breastfed until age 3. Children were expected to cause mischief, and then the parents just cleaned up afterwards, perhaps by apologizing in court for their child's mischief. Mischief in children was seen as a lovable trait, not something deserving of punishment.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to provocations to anger, meaning all offenses against children, with "offenses" being defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by child. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul and the context he was writing to as a prohibition of all forms of punishment and control in parenting, including spanking and corporal punishment, meaning all punitive parenting regardless. The Apostle Paul was cracking down on Greek Christian parents who brought their idolatrous and pagan Hellenistic tradition of spanking children. Paul would have none of it in the churches he oversaw as a deacon, and delivered this commandment, which lifted up the Law on child abuse. Corporal punishment existed only in the Old Testament, and only as a sentence for crime. The verses in Proverbs speak of a proverb that would only make sense in its original context, and referred strictly to a legal punishment, meaning basically do not embarrass parents with your behavior on the street. The rod of correction was rarely used for such dishonoring of parents, and was more likely to be used for child abuse by concerned grandparents who seek to protect grandchildren from abuse. The rod of correction was closely connected to the death penalty under Jewish law, and Christ abolished the death penalty and all corporal punishment with His Sacrifice. 

Children were to be disciplined by example, meaning following a disciplined example. Pro-social permissiveness doesn't mean don't set limits, but don't punish or set forceful expectations, but instead impart a good Christian example that is Christ-like in nature. Children, when given space to be themselves, often form their own discipline and discipline themselves, and their disciplined attitudes often mirror their parents. The idea is to allow most behaviors, meaning most childish behaviors, and instead focus on your own behavior and conduct as a parent in relation to their child. 

Children should be allowed to do whatever they want, within reason. This means most behavior that is "bad" in nature is seen as a reason to laugh, not a reason to get angry. Children in biblical times were seen as little tricksters, meaning they were expected to rebel and cause mischief, and that kind of behavior was not punished nor encouraged. It was simply laughed off by adults, and was seen as a trait of a growing child seeking independence from parents. This was especially the case with older children. They were always supervised by parents, but often played tricks on their parents while at home, and mothers especially said "you silly goose!". Fathers just shook their head and smiled. The family home was a warm place for children to be themselves, meaning "home base", with parents being safe people to children, feeling safe in the sustenance and nourishment of parents.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand! Repent, for the Kingdom of God!