Pro-social confidant, pro-social listening: Why parents should use reflective listening

Many parents want their children to be able to talk to them, yet they punish them when they do talk to them. This is a hypocrisy that many parents engage in. However, parents shouldn't punish their children when do something wrong. Parents should be a child's first and closest confidants. Talking to parents should be like talking to a therapist.

This type of open communication in parenting is based off of the Christian doctrine of mutual surrender. It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to trust in parents. Replace "obey" and "trust" and you come to a roughly more accurate translation. However, this is a special kind of trust, borne out of maternal warmth and sustenance. This is an open and honest form of trust, with parents being leaned on as confidants, with children confiding in parents, feeling safe with telling parents anything and everything under the sun, with children fearing no punishment or reprisal for disclosing even doing something wrong, or else something most people wouldn't understand. Talking to parents is like confiding in a therapist, meaning parents must respect their child's privacy and for the most part keep all confidence in parents to be confidential. Parents should only warn others if their child discloses plans to hurt others.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to provocations to anger, meaning all offenses against children, with "offenses" defined as the slightest of offense perceived by children. This was intended by the Apostle Paul and the legal context he was writing to as a prohibition of all punishment and control of children, including, but limited to, any physical and mental punishment, regardless. Paul here was admonishing the Greek Christians in the Colossian church community for their punitive parenting habits. Punitive parenting was accepted and defensible under Roman law, but not Jewish law, meaning punishing a child, under the Law, was seen as kidnapping, in both the Old and New Testament. Corporal punishment was only allowed in the Old Testament, and only as a sentence for a crime in the case of ADULT children committing a capital offense, as a last warning that your sinful habits will lead to your death. Christ abolished the death penalty and all corporal punishment by way of His Sacrifice involving enduring such. No child could be charged with a criminal or civil offense of any kind in either the Old or New Testament, and since corporal punishment in the Bible was judicial in nature, no child could ever be legally whipped or punished by a parent at all, and any parent who took their child to court by way of moral legal exchange was guilty of kidnapping and perjury. Punishing a child was seen in the Early Church as worthy of death, even if Christ abolished the death penalty on the cross.

Reflective listening will help you work with your child, not against them. The idea is to invite them to share things with you by way of lack of punishment or control. Reflective listening is listening to a child, then restating key words that you think sum up the topic they are trying to convey, in order to reassure them that you are listening. Just listen to your child, nod most of the time, but then repeat the gist of what they said.

Example:

CHILD: "I hate school. The teachers hate me. So does everyone in my class."

PARENT: "So you are having a hard time at school, I hear?"

CHILD: "Yes"

PARENT: "I felt that way too when I was your age. I'm here to listen"

Restating serves a logical purpose - to clarify and make sure you heard your child's needs correctly, and it also serves as reassurance that they were heard out, alongside a statement of reassurance afterwards. 

It is a sin and a moral crime to assume anything about a child, lest they be offended because you assumed wrong. Part of admission of your power and control as an adult over children is being non-entitled enough to hear them out as to what they need, not assume what they need before the fact. If in doubt, ask your child what they want, as what they want is most always related to what they need.

The depraved and entitled parents who defend un-listening tactics with children will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss that is Hell and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!