Honor parents: Why honor is earned

Many parents want to be honored. The Fifth Commandment is often used as an excuse for child abuse. This commandment has long been used as a way to demand respect from children. Children should honor their parents, but if they don't, the parent is largely to blame.

It says in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days be long upon the land which the LORD thy God hath given thee.

This was intended as the first command to prohibit elder abuse. Elder abuse was rampant in the biblical context, and needed to be eradicated. The Ten Commandments were the constitution in which the rest of the Law was based on, including the parent protection laws. Cursing parents, for example, meant winding up parents with a gaslighting curse, casting a spell on parents to get them to do what adult children wanted them to do. God laid down the parent protection laws not to punish children, but to keep parents from possibly dying from elder abuse. It was endemic in ancient Israel for parents to be abused, and they were blamed for their abuse, being assumed as modeling violence to abusive adult children by punishing them as children. These commandments are specific to ancient Israel EXCEPT the Fifth Commandment proper. The parent protection laws only applied to ADULT children. Minor children were deemed incompetent to stand trial.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in the New Testament many times, sometimes for adults, sometimes for children. It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to trust in parents, leading to honoring parents. Replace "obey" with "trust" and you come to a roughly better translation, with this command being written aside to parents. This was a special trust in parents, borne out of maternal warmth and sustenance. Attachment parenting was the norm in biblical times, with children being swaddled next to their mothers into adulthood, wrapped up in her bosom, resting warmly next to her, with children up to age 3 being seen as infants, being nourished with breastfeeding as such. This lead to respect and admiration for parents, and then honor later in life. Honor for parents was earned by the toil of parents beforehand, meaning children honor parents by esteeming them for how parents didn't punish them.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to provocations to anger, meaning any and all offenses against children, meaning the slightest of offense perceived by the child. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to prohibit all punitive parenting of children, meaning any punishment or control in parenting, including spanking and corporal punishment. The Apostle Paul here was rebuking Greek Christians for their custom of spanking children, having none of it in the churches he oversaw as a deacon. The punishment of children was legally defensible under Roman law, but never Jewish law. Corporal punishment was allowed only in the Old Testament in the biblical context, and only for ADULT children as a summary punishment for a capital offense. Minor children were incompetent to stand trial under the Law. Capital and corporal punishment were deemed unlawful in the Early Church, meaning any participation in capital or corporal punishment was seen as sinful and unlawful. Christ abolished the death penalty and corporal punishment by enduring both on the cross. 

Honoring parents was something earned in biblical times, as part of a secure attachment. I myself experienced both punitive and attachment parenting methods as a child, and clearly side with attachment parenting. With attachment parenting, there is a certain fondness of your parents as adults that you never outgrow, meaning a warm, caring admiration for them. That is what God meant by honoring parents. My parents were both punitive parents, but both, at some point, switched to attachment parenting, and that was a relief. My father, my main abuser, switched to attachment parenting when I was 16, whereabouts, and started down that path shortly after my parents' divorce. Attachment parenting leads to honoring the charity and generosity of parents later on.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss that is the Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath for all eternity! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!