Strictness in parenting: Why parents must model it (instead of impose it)

Most parents in the United States believe in strictness to some degree. Most believe in imposing it on children in the form of punishing children for defiance and disobedience. Discipline is good trait in any person, but it cannot be taught by punishment, violence, or controlling attitudes.

It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, as this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to discipline, meaning in this case self-discipline and self-control in parents, in an exemplary way imparted to children. This refers ultimately refers to the Living Example of Christ, with parents being giving extensions of Christ, but since Christ was the only perfect parent, parents must work on their self-discipline and self-control skills. This example is stoic and disciplined, but in a listening way that hears out the needs of children. By listening to children and being charitable like Christ was, you teach children to be charitable like Christ was. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to a divine warning, which ultimately amounts to the word "no" at the harshest, without punishment backing it up, or else a compromise the child makes to get partially what they want. The word "no" in the raw should be rare event in the family home. This is all weighed by the Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath", which is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and literally translated to "bitter anger" and refers to offenses against children, meaning the slightest of offense perceived by a child, including physical or other forms of punishment. This clause was intended by the Apostle Paul to chastise Greek Christian parents for the Hellenistic tradition of spanking tradition, which was prohibited under the Law. The Apostle Paul always recommended attachment-based parenting in accompaniment with this commandment, which is repeated throughout the New Testament. Corporal punishment did exist in the Old Testament, but only as a sentence for crime associated with capital punishment, whereas Christ suffered corporal and capital punishment in order to abolish it. In the Early Christian churches, neither capital nor corporal punishment were part of church discipline or ordinance.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, warm rest and trust in the love and grace of parents, just as adult believers rest and trust in the love and grace of Lord Jesus Christ our Risen Savior, with parents delivering their children from sin, forgiving them by apologizing for them. Respect for parents is intense closeness on the level of sustenance to parents, then leading to fondness and admiration later, and then honor. This word speaks of an open, honest type of respect where you feel free to be anything in relation to children, and being able to tell parents anything and everything under the sun. In biblical times, parenting was attachment-based, with children co-sleeping in the nude with mothers at night until adulthood, with mothers and daughters being inseparable, and children up to age 3 being seen as infants and breastfed as such. Children played freely and independently, but not outside the supervision of parents. Children struck reverent fear and terror into parents in the form of demands, then parents supplied the demands, then at the end of the day's work for parents, children were satisfied and grateful, giving thanks to their parents by way of hugs and affection. This all lead to respect and honor for parents later in life, out of warm fondness and admiration for parents, not fear of parents. It is a simple "thank you" to parents for being so kind and charitable, and not punishing you (or else regretting it if they did).

Parents must be strict with themselves if they want children to be strict with themselves. That means being your child's first role model, and modeling discipline and self-strictness to children, in a loving, encouraging atmosphere. Discipline is a life skill, meaning the ability to be calm and patient with others in a heated situation. This is not something children are born doing, but can and should learn without punishment or other controlling or punitive methods, and this means actually being disciplined yourself as a role model, and giving your child the freedom to follow your lead. Parenting in the New Testament is denoted by the Greek root word γονεύς (Latin: goneus) and refers not to a glorified title of authority, but to leadership in the home, meaning parents simply lead children to their needs some of the time, and other times are lead to needs by their child. The more freedom a child has in demanding their needs, the more they will appreciate who hands them their needs, and then want to go hand in hand with that parent, perhaps choosing their parents over their friends when they are older, in terms of influence. With that kind of environment, you can hand down any belief system, including strict beliefs, and your child will pretty much blindly follow you as a first teacher.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn and suffer in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices, meaning the devil's tomb! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!