Strictness in parenting: Why parents need to be strict with themselves (and encourage strictness instead of imposing punishment)

Many parents believe in strictness in terms of parenting. The race among parents in the United States is strictness with children, meaning who has the most disciplined children. Most parents believe the Bible commands strict parent. It doesn't. The Bible commands strictness in the individual, meaning self-discipline.

It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, for this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to the chastening of the Lord, meaning chastening up parents, with parents being the Living Example of Christ in this regard. But, since Christ was the only perfect person ever to walk the face of the earth, parents must strive to be perfect like Him in terms of generosity, charity, and self-discipline, and model those values to children, being their child's first role model in a Christ-like way. This involves a sacrificial attitude in parenting that puts the needs and interests of others above yourself in all things, including parenting, channeling physically or sexually aggressive instincts inwards, sparing children your wrath, turning the other cheek (Matt. 5:38-39). The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to putting your foot down as a parent, meaning bringing out non-binding law as a teaching tool, giving a verbal warning, but only warning children when you know intuitively that they would agree to it, in accordance with their age and development. This is all weighed by the Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to "bitter anger" and ultimately refers to offenses against children, meaning the slightest of offense perceived by the child, which included physical and other forms of punishment, as Paul the Apostle was warning the Ephesian church about the Hellenistic tradition of spanking children, and why it isn't allowed in Christendom at all, just as he did with the Colossians in Col. 3:21.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, warm rest and trust in the love and grace of parents, just as adult believers rest and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. Respect for parents is closeness to parents, leading to fondness and admiration for parents later. It is total security in parents, being able to be oneself in relation to parents, tell them anything and everything under the sun, with children appointing parents their close confidant and confessor, demanding parents of their needs and benign wants, with parents surrendering, submitting to the every need of children with reverent fear and terror held for children, leading to acts of service. Children in ancient Israel and adjoining churches were intensely close to their parents, co-sleeping with them in the nude, being breastfed by them until age 3, and being able to express the full range of their emotions with parents as safe people for the child's every emotion, with children being safe in the embrace of parents, with mothers and daughters being inseparable until adulthood. This sort of parenting cannot fully be replicated today, but this biblical context should be at least a rough guide as to how God wants you to raise your children.

How do parents be strict with themselves? It says in Matthew 5:38-39 KJV:

Ye have heard it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, that ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.

This means, in the psychological sense, stifling offense, including being triggered by your child's behavior. This command is mandatory for Christian parents. This means doing the opposite of what your parent anger tells you to do, meaning if you want to yell at or strike out at your child, stifle the emotion and do the opposite, meaning force yourself to be charitable to your child. If you want to cuddle with your daughter, but want to do it for sexual reasons, know it is wrong and stifle the want based on that. All parents should know that physical, verbal, or sexual abuse harms the child, and that harming a child is a Hell-able offense, and the aversive imagery of Hell should cement the counter-drive for a parent to stifle their anger, aggression, and entitlement towards their children. Anger, under Christian law, can only be expelled in court, meaning an exchange between adults. Children could not be taken to court, as they could not stand trial, thus being exempt from prosecution.

Strictness as a parent is modeled as a value, not imposed by punishment or controlling attitudes. It is also encouraged along the way, meaning as a challenge between father and child especially for the child to be strict with themselves, meaning disciplined, with fathers lovingly having a dialogue with children about Scripture, with each reporting about their findings. The idea is to show religion around your child, and then let them ask questions on their own about God and Jesus, then using Socratic methods of teaching, letting the child form their own beliefs. Usually, they end up lining up with yours anyway towards the end, if you choose not to punish children for religious mistakes and mishaps. Parents should be the first source for spiritual knowledge, with children asking questions, and parents tailoring the answer to the age and developmental level of the child. They may appear off-key in terms of religion as a child, but that's because they aren't mature believers yet. Religion is a need for children, and it usually arises around age 6, but matures when they are a young adult. Model the values you want, and allow them space to emulate your loving Christian example.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death, prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!