What it feels like to be spanked (the "new skool" way "out of love")

Many parents don't understand what it is like to be spanked "out of love", including even many gentle parents. My parents who abused me followed not just the law, but the psychology handbooks they trusted. 

One studied the incomplete research of this movement, and put me in time-out, then gave up after it didn't work, with then us forming a secure bond and attachment. My father had tapes from John Rosemond, and to this day, I F*CKING HATE his parenting, for that authoritative parenting burned me, whereas our parenting is more connecting than authoritative.

It isn't so much the pain, which exists, but the sudden burst into the door out of nowhere, the violation perceived, as well as the inhumanity. The more bizarre thing is that my father was calm when he did it, stoic in a militaristic, policing way. I hated him then, with the childish daydream being him becoming a sex offender so we could finally get him out of the home. I begged my mother to divorce him, because I wanted him to lose everything, and perhaps be dead, at the lowest level - the victim level, the vulnerable level, where I didn't really mean it.

Spanking is a violation, a provocation to anger, meaning I was so angry afterwards that I would kick the wooden door until it was frayed, and tore off the knob. Then, my parents just put a latch on the top of the door.

What was the worst part, however? He defended his rights as a parent. He was a policing type, but the soft-shell type of cop, a bit disorganized, but defended spanking nonetheless. What was even worse? Everyone defended my parents, namely at school, but everywhere else as well. A line of promote fingers going to the parents, and then to each other, demanding I respect and obey. I did not, and am proud of the burden I held. I may have been clumsy in my child self-advocacy, but I still had natural rights as a child, meaning life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, but they weren't recognized. Leftism can also be an addicting second trauma for some, in a painful, grievous way where you want the whole world to be just, taking on every cause, not accepting that you can't change everything...and once I realized this world is a fallen world, and can't be changed by me as one person, I dropped a load of burden, and allow God to punish my abuser, on their very last day.

My parents apologized, meaning both of them, and so did my grandparents on both sides of my family, and that is because I am a traumatic traumatic, meaning I identify by trauma at every level, like a mesh, or else a burning towel to throw on your opponent. Or, think a Molotov cocktail thrown at your abuser. I used to be a traumatic sociopath, meaning I talked about my trauma everywhere, and wondered why I received all the prejudice and hatred. It was an addiction, meaning one adult laughed me off, so I went person-to-person to other adults, sort of clinging to the more egalitarian adults.

I am a pedophile, and a trait of pedophilia is having a question mark trauma, meaning the trauma comes from reacting to abuse in childhood the opposite way than most survivors. The more I was punished, the more I questioned things, ending up on children's rights websites (fond memories there), and then I questioned adult authority, in which case I was shot down every time, and I was too weak to get back up. I knew like heck I didn't deserve that, so I battled any idea remotely pro-parent, and battled until I actually brought my parents to submission to children's rights! I hate parental rights ideology, meaning I have a parental rights trauma in that regard. It gets my attention whenever I hear "power to the parent" speak, in which I AM ANGRY because they took my power away as a child, and had absolute power over me. "Absolute power corrupts absolutely". That's why in biblical times, children's petitions to parents kept parental power and control in check, to the point where there was none.

This is how we at pedophile survivors deal with trauma. WE FUCKEN hate our abuser from the beginning, and want them dead at a low level, hating to cave to them, but doing so out of weakness, or so how it feels in terms of violation. A battered woman with a strong will would say things the same way. Go away, parental rights! *I* had rights as a child, and *I* was denied them, and so *I* am a survivor of childhood and parental rights abuse. So, I be the convicted adult I wanted to know as a child, that I may have known briefly, and otherwise not at all. They all suck. All the adults in this country suck. Where are the good ones? The ones that say they are, certainly aren't. I hate all parents, and every single adult that points to the parents as the answer. Parents protect? The phrase offends me because parents have a very poor track record of protecting children, even from their own sin nature.

God's proper way to parent is stated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke nor your children to anger, lest they become discourage. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest and trust in the love and grace of parents, with children demanding their every need from children through their every want, with parents diagnosing the wants to discern the needs, with children being able to say everything to parents, and play their way or no way at all around parents, with children owing absolutely nothing in return to children, with parents deserving nothing in return, meaning no praise or respect, giving to children out of charity and generosity without receiving anything in return, with children nonetheless showing gratitude and thanksgiving anyway by giving back to parents through listening to and heeding instruction, with parents then letting go any disobedience from there and instead keeping them safe through supervision, knowing a child too young to understand instructions from parents is simply too young to understand, and that won't change until they are older. I was punished most often for violating simple directions "because I said so". Like that tells me anything about what you want. I can handle that treatment from a boss as an adult, but that's because I am insightful enough to look into a situation, and figure out why. A child actually can't figure even that out, and need to be told, then it goes over their head - and is saved for later. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and literally translated as "stirring up" upset and anger, as in the Jewish idiom "stirring the pot" in terms of one's child's emotional welfare, with this, in context, referring to the moral count of provocation to anger against one's neighbor, with children being the neighbor, meaning anger then was seen as an instrument of the Law, meaning an instrument of legal interrogation and cross-examination. Putting a child on the stand, including in the exchange, was illegal then, with their parents being their legal representative. Children were allowed to voice allegations, and parents were required to believe their children regardless or be charged with perjury...Children were listened to in the Bible, hence why I embrace the biblical context. 

I embrace the teaching of Hell because we live in a oppressive society towards children, meaning ALL adults and not a few. In the store or restaurant, for all I know, every single adult there could be my abuser, defined as any adult who believes in spanking, yet I don't want to know, so I presume innocence beyond a reasonable doubt. I relish in the fact that the Pearls and the Ezzos are headed to Hell. I am a viper to my abuser, as is the God I serve, so I let Him swoop down and capture the carrion. Yes, I freakin' hate such parents THAT much, that I want them to put a bullet in their brain, and get it over with, since parenting is that hard that you can't show respect to your child. That's why you see a Hell statement at the end of every post regarding parenting - ordinary posts about pedophilia don't get that statement due to the roots of pedophile hysteria in religious child abuse, whereas everyone hates children, and even I might in a way that I night restrain myself from imposing...Wind them up with the threat of Hell, and let the parenting advice bounce.