Children first, parents last: Why parents must respect children first

Many parents want to be respected by their children, but choose to punish and be controlling with their children. Most parents in the United States punish, whether while defending entitlement or struggling with it. Children first, and parents last. That is the order of salvation, and that is the order of family priorities in terms of respect.

It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV: 

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest and trust in the love and grace of parents, being able to share anything and everything with parents under the sun, with children showing their true selves in relation to children, with parents being safe people in relation to their children, with children owing absolutely nothing in return, and parents deserving absolutely nothing in return from children for their generosity and charity, giving to their children without receiving. This Greek root word refers to a form of providing custody that involved attachment parent to the level of nudity in terms of intimacy. Child nudity was legal everywhere in the biblical context, and was legal so that mothers could easily connect with their children, with skin-to-skin contact being the main way mothers earned trust and respect from parents, with the closeness leading to secure attachment. Children then, once away from mother, particularly as young adults, were resourceful from a younger age than today, and that is because they were cushioned by their mother to be independent later, with father foreshadowing with his protective staff. Respect meant closeness then, meaning usually intimate closeness to mother, but also distant closeness with loving and encouraging fathers who would encourage academic and spiritual growth in their children, with parents being extensions of Christ, sacrificing for their children just as Christ did, taking up the cross as He did, turning themselves into their children like Christ turned Himself in for a crime He didn't commit, suffering and paying the ultimate price for it.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to "stirring up" anger, resentment, and upset in a child, referring to the Jewish adage of "stirring the pot" in terms of your child's emotions. The Apostle Paul was cracking down on spanking and corporal punishment, with spanking on the bare bottom as a way to punish her for "unchaste" behavior, with young sons getting whipped by their fathers for stepping out of line. The Christian way then involved non-violence at every level and strata of society, and Jewish law prohibited the provocation of your neighbor to anger, with children being seen as your neighbor. Attached to the Epistle delivered to the Colossians church on horseback was parenting manuals that recommended attachment parenting, in detailed format, including ways for parents to center their aggressive instincts, turning them inward. In a church like the Colossian church, the gentile believers were the ones causing all the problems, with the core population of Hellenistic Jews at that church already being on board. Judaism today considers striking a child to be a sin, and so does Christianity as taught in European and Eastern churches. American churches have not caught up, as usual, with the evidence stemming from Hebraic sources. Striking a child or punishing a child in any way, or else the slightest of offense perceived by the child, is unlawful and sinful, rendering the whole teaching of "biblical spanking" unbiblical. 

True biblical parenting is attachment-based, meaning parents end up being their child's best friend, with older children going places with parents. A parent doesn't have to sleep in the nude with her 8-year-old daughter, even though that actually was the norm in biblical times. That imagery is intended to hammer into parents that they need to be close with their child, like a best friend, meaning a bigger, stronger friend that looks after the younger friend, but is convicted by their younger, weaker friend's vulnerable status, which children always have. Child nudity in biblical times was intended as a marker of that vulnerability, and was a pro-social tease to righteously incriminate men who would sexually objectify the child with his impure words and speech (Eph. 5:4; 1 Cor. 6:18). Just be friends with your child. Would you be friends with someone after they struck you? I'm out of there once someone hits me, and I don't care how much they try to make me blame myself, as the victim is never responsible. Same with children. Skin-to-skin contact and co-sleeping make your child your friend, when practiced right, meaning with the consent of the child. 

Respect for parents in the Bible means being best friends with them, and vice-versa, but in a way that a child leans on parents. This is why we say "children first, parents last". Children come first in terms of priorities, parents last. In Greco-Roman culture, children walked in a line behind their parents. In Judeo-Christian culture, however, children often led their parents like a ragdoll to see everything that fascinates the child, with children shouting in their language "look, mom". Children were not seen as the enemy, but instead parents were seen as the enemy of their child, meaning the "least of these" that are vulnerable to the point of ignorance in parents - parents did not assume anything about what their child wanted, and assumed children were hostile to them, with parents winning over the secure attachment of their children by being close to them to the level the child is okay with, assuming nothing about what the child needs apart from that the child petitions.

The parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive or permissive parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them descend into the abyss, burning in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death, which is Satan's final resting place! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!