What to do about temper tantrums (pro-social punching bag)

Most all, if not all, parents have to deal with tantrums of some sort in their child, with escalating levels of severity. Some children simply cry, some kick and scream, and some beat up their parents. All require a bit of cushioning from parents, in the form of a punching bag.

Children should throw tantrums. It is a way for them to grieve demands that were denied due to the word "no" or its various variants. Children are going to kick and scream, and carry on, the more you say "no". They are new to this earth, and few young children have experienced loss. So, they react to loss that means little unless you are conditioned to be as leveled as I am to their context, and latch onto their emotions and relate more to them than the parents.

It says in Hebrews 12:11 KJV:

Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

The Greek root word translated "grievous" is λυπέ (Latin: lupe) and refers to emotional anguish in parents, perhaps from constant tantrums. Parenting was never intended by God to be easy, but the more one advances through it, the more rewarding it is at the end, in terms of self-control and other rewards. The Greek root word translated "chastening" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to the chastening of the Lord, meaning here holding in grief from a tantrumming child because your child cannot, holding space for their upset, frustration, and even aggressive outbursts, being their punching bag from day one. It is a warm yet reassuring, calm type of stoicism, meaning one that remains silent in a listening type of way, instinctively acknowledging the frustrated words of a child, in a way that nods and reassures that you are listening. I myself find myself doing this even to adults.

It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, as this is right. Honor thy father and mother, as this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is the same as "chastening" in Heb. 12:11, meaning παιδεία, meaning again the chastening of the Lord for parents. This refers to listening to a child in a way that is calm and disciplined, but nonetheless in a warm and caring manner, holding space for them by centering one's emotions for the child, because the child has not yet learned to control their own emotions, and likely, wherever they are on the chronological age spectrum, likely will not for years. Ultimately, it is centering oneself by listening to a child's upsets, modeling self-control and self-discipline to the child in the process. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the admonition of the Lord, necessary limits and boundaries, namely the word "no" and its various variants. Negative limits set should be rare, particularly for younger children, as children below a certain age have no concept of what is acceptable behavior in society, and on top of that, have trouble communicating their needs apart from crying and/or aggressive outbursts. Children have something to say, for sure, but don't have the language skills to say it. But, in the rare case that a child does something they are capable of not doing carelessly, correct them with the word "no", and if they really respect you, that's all it should take. This is qualified by the Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργιζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers the offenses in the legal context of the Bible, meaning the torts and damages under the Eighth Commandment, including assault and battery laws extended to children in terms of protection, referenced and summed up as the slightest of offense against a child, stemming from entitled intent, meaning out of willfulness or recklessness in terms of harm or damages. Punishment was only legal as a sentence for a crime for adults, meaning an adult who was literate in the Law and thus was expected to know better.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to providing custody of children, meaning where children rest securely and safely in the loving providence of parents, with parents providing for their children's every need - food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment, but especially the last one - with parents heeling to the every need of their child, and children aside of them, with children owing nothing in relation to parents, yet children listening to parents nonetheless as an instinctive show of gratitude, like a pull or gentle tug to stay along with parents, especially mothers, in a safe, reassuring way of listening to parents because they listened to you first. That is the order of the family - parents listen to children, if they want it in return. Providing custody, under biblical law, is a form of legal power of attorney where the child where the child owes nothing in return to parents, and owes no responsibility or culpability to them, with the parents giving without receiving anything in return, sacrificing and taking up the cross just as Christ did for His children. All loyalty to parents was earned by how parents supplied the demands of their children.

There are degrees of applicability of pro-social punching bag as an acronym, but parenting is a passive-assertive trade. A parent should be a punching bag at least to the tirades that come from children when they hear the word "no", and should turn the other cheek, accepting even violence as a necessary part of life. Frequent physical violence is likely due to either a prolonged communication deficit, or else a mood disorder such as bipolar disorder where children and adults both with the disorder either become aggressive when becoming extremely manic or extremely depressed, in a way that replicates a seizure. If the outbursts appear to be epileptic in terms of loss of control, including memory loss of the incident, this should be a reason for a test run of mood stabilizer - even if the child is autistic, those behaviors aren't inherent autistic traits, but that of related mental disorders, namely mood disorders. The right medication sent me on a journey to self-improvement. My only regret is not getting it sooner. In such cases, attachment parenting only serves as a parent being a safe outlet to discharge frustration, irritation, and anger, but can be educational once the child is medicated, usually in their mid-teens, when they can reflect off of all the mistakes they made as a child, and learn from them.

Parents in ancient Israel and adjoining churches did not shame children for throwing tantrums, but reassured and validated children, usually through physical forms of reassurance such as co-sleeping and cuddling, particularly with skin-to-skin contact. There are different levels of listening to a tantrum in terms of intensity, and some means are physical in an affectionate, nurturing manner, meaning like a big hug, and these should be legal in public schools as well, with any male teacher in particular who feel insecure about a female student hugging them being suspect of adult sexual entitlement.

These sorts of solutions are often advocated in the mainstream media for children with autism, but I have autism, and I think these positive methods would work with any child. It is a known fact by most that a child with autism needs to be listened to, all the while ordinary, non-autistic children with the same communication deficits that are inherent of all children just get punished, and the "he needs a good whack on the rear end" is a reason to deny autism in a child. Most all childhood misbehavior and aggression is due to communication barriers. They can't put their emotions into words, so they cause a ruckus instead, leaving it to the adults around to interpret what need the child is advocating. A 2-year-old can hear and listen to verbal instructions from a parent, and memorize language, but cannot express it even though they know it, and so they just go off in the store, because they can't tell you what is going on. Just take the screaming and frustration, including the "I hate you mommy", and be kind and courteous in the face of that upset, listening to and validating the child's feelings, using the occasional reflective statements in the course of listening.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!