Turning the other cheek: What to do about defiance

Much of the punishment I received as a child was due to defiance. That was the number one reason parents and family physically punished me. Otherwise, the main punishment I received was false imprisonment or false detention of some sort. The problem with society is that we take some of what children say too personally. Christ gave the command to turn the other cheek, and this is what forms discipline in a parent. Discipline is for parents, not children.

Christ says in Matthew 5:38-39 KJV:

Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth, But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but that whosoever smite thee on the thy right cheek, turn the other also. And if any man sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also.

This refers to the offenses under biblical law. Most all of Matthew 5 has to do with how court will be set up after His death and resurrection, meaning these are legal statements, not merely moral ones, being stated on the Sermon on the Mount. The Mosaic legal system then had a definition of a peacekeeper, and that was a vexatious litigant, meaning the type of person who is in and out of court all the time, sue happy against everyone, over the most petty of insults and slights. Some slights are better than others at fighting all the time, meaning someone suing somebody over "using my name in a graven context". This also applies to parenting, as taking offense over everything is a very bad habit as a parent. With any child living under your roof, simply avoiding most offenses isn't enough. If you want them under your roof, you must not get offended at all by what they say or do.

It is choosing not to respond to everything a child says or does that gets under your skin. Some cases of turning the other cheek have to do with not responding and having a stiff upper lip, whereas with children, you must allow them to extend out from you secure attachment by not reacting to ANYTHING they say or do, and not taking offense to your child's behaviors at all. Victim entitlement here is claiming victimhood from your child because they called you a four-letter word. Give me a break, and get a grip. Stop being such a snowflake because your child's defiance hurts your feelings and gets under your skin like the crybaby that you are. Babies and young children should take offense, because they need to survive, so God exempted them from the Law. You are an adult, so get it together.

It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things, as is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents, being able to tell parents anything or share anything with them, owing nothing in return to parents, but listening to them nonetheless as they earned your trust. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and literally directly translates to "stir up" and refers to the offenses, meaning damages, summed up after Christ, in the Early Christian ordinance, as the slightest of personal slights perceived by the child, stemming from entitlement by way of willful intent to control, punish, and/or sexually use a child.

The Apostle Paul here is chastising, in a divine command, fathers of Greco-Roman descent who used physical punishment on their children, meaning scourging their sons and spanking their "unchaste" daughters. The church at Colossae was a network of Christian households spread throughout the Hellenistic city, and Paul, in his letter to that church, laid down the law, like he had to do with the Ephesian church, that corporal punishment was not acceptable under the Law. According to Christian law. What he was referring to was mirroring, meaning children mirror their parents' anger towards the child, becoming angry in return towards the parents. Rebellion in children, therefore, is a bad sign, but on the part of the parent modeling that anger through punishment and control of said child. The idea is instead respond instead of react to defiance, meaning ask kind questions that attend to the behavior, asking "Why are you treating me this way? What is going on?", biting your tongue with anything judgmental that you may be thinking. Just take the heat from your child, listen to it as a valid need, which it is no matter what. Parenting then was very different than it is today in conventional terms.

Traditional Hebrew parenting was attachment-based, meaning surrender to parents was a type that allowed for pro-social rebellion, meaning children being able to cry and scream at their parents, with parents being attendant to such childhood expressions as cries for needs to be met, even in older children. Rebellion in ancient Jewish culture was seen not as something to punish, but something to soothe and nurture. Children were allowed to "talk back" and even scream at their parents, and the parents simply saw it as unmet needs. This is the model that parents should use today - allow rebellion, and direct the rebellious anger from children to parents, in order for parents to listen to and validate like a sounding board. This is called pro-social pedophilia, which doesn't refer to the disorder at all, but the specific grooming associated with clinical pedophiles, who, when they abuse, place their autistic social avoidance on their children. Pro-social pedophilia is a non-coercive siphon, meaning the children are invited to the warmth of parents, until that ends up being the first place they go to. It is a form of surrender to parents where you can be as emotional as you want to or need to be with them, including by questioning them, or be calm when you feel safe in their presence. This is how I submit to my mother, and it is not a feeling of fear, but of safety and security.

This is what attachment parenting actually is. Not forced closeness at all, as that is not allowed in fact. It is forming a secure attachment and bond with your child that lasts a lifetime, meaning being their best friend by invitation by way of avoiding all punishment, control, or harsh treatment. This means, yes, turn the other cheek when they are yelling at you, saying "I hate you", because that indicates something you need to figure out, and then make amends with your child, because children hate their parents when they feel hated. I may get angry with my mother as a dependent adult child, but I never say "I hate you". I simply question her with "do you realize" statements.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them suffer in the lake of burning sulfur, suffering the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Only gentle parenting is the proper way to parent, as it was in the Early Christian churches, and all other parenting paradigms are false, with attachment parenting being the final stage of growth in a gentle parent. Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!