My trauma from lawful corporal punishment

The word lawful. Whenever attaching it to a form of abuse, you get a lot of misunderstanding reactions. Even in a community like this, you have many people who claim to have "more trauma than you". Lawful trauma is a real trauma. I was punished in a way that was explicitly excused by the Crimes Code of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. It is parental rights trauma, meaning I hate that they even have special rights in this country, which children have no rights whatsoever. I tend to take the side of a child when witnessing abuse in a store or other public venue.

Many peacekeepers in children's rights movements like ours, and abroad in parental rights movements, blame a gentle parenting mother for pro-social assaults, blaming a remorseful, otherwise well-meaning parent. Many of them feign a trauma for attention, just to shock others, and it's a joke to them. True lawful trauma, as it's nomenclature implies, is a legal trauma, by omission of law and not commission of law...That was the worst part of the abuse - the law was on my the side of my collective abuser, meaning all parents, meaning all parents, meaning all parents, meaning all who identify by entitlement or abuse by a glorified title.

It all started when I was around 2 or 3, and involved a spanking "out of love", as the pro-spanking doctors recommended. My father would take a deep breath while I was in my room, and then he'd come up to my room and spank me, usually on a clothed bottom. It felt wrong, like I had some legal recourse or something. I loved laws and rules from the very beginning. My mother (who opposed my father's choice to spank) would take me to the Exeter Community Park, and I would read the rules and enforce them on my mother. Based on that and my early ability to read (hyperlexia), I thought something was wrong with my abuse, and I wanted justice, and I wanted vengeance. I knew enough about the law by elementary school that hitting was against the law, so why would the law excuse my parents? 

As I immersed myself in legal study, I was trying to find ways to entrap and/or get my parents arrested. It was a traumatic daydream, where I would see my father, or some other pro-spanking parent roughed up by the cops, slammed on sidewalks and patrol car hoods. Then I explored courtroom settings. We are talking about posttraumatic play at this point, meaning I was acting out a "just world" version of my trauma, being in a professional bystander position, usually caseworkers or cops. "Just world" means a fantasy world to dissociate from my abuse, and punish parents. From the outside, it looked much like cops and robbers, except it was solitary play with imaginary friends, and I was in my mid teens.

My trauma is exposed and was always exposed pretty much for one reason - I am a pedophile, and the traumatic type. I think trauma is fun in relation to my abuser, meaning I actually take sadistic pleasure in chomping into my abuser, getting them to spill their guts, perhaps humbling them down to the trauma level. I f*cking hate parents at every level, except those that imply their goodness instead of insist it while their spit lands in your face. Ban them all! Destroy them all! Kill them all! What about the children? We haven't thought that far, but that's why God no longer endorses a death penalty for parents. My trauma these days is an angry, suppressed trauma. In the past, it was anxious in an addictive way, were I was actually attracted to thoughts that wondered "what to those parents do to their children behind closed doors". My attitude was emphasized as "every home has its secrets", and I still believe that, but in a more calm manner.

I am calm only because of a maximum dosage of anti-anxiety medication, but still, the anger exists. I stopped getting sad and anxious about it, and got mad about it. That's what a blog is for - to document trauma, directly and indirectly, with my trauma being the backbone of this blog. Pedophilia is an integral aspect of my trauma, as it shaped how my trauma formed. Most trauma from child abuse is repressed, and involves "reclaiming your inner child". A pedophile has been there, done that, and it was perceived as a war-zone, not a mere "power struggle". Children like I was were foaming at the mouth victims, or so it felt. Was I crazy for feeling trauma? Was I going insane for naming my trauma? I wanted to believe I had to trauma, so I knew something was wrong, because I just knew I was being abused, like a sixth sense. Coming here around 2016 taught me a lot about my trauma, and experiencing police/children's rights gaslighting gave me medical facts inserted from CAMH to help me better understand my pedophilia. I have matured into having a medical/legal personality, meaning I listen like a therapist first, but if you don't want help, goodbye, I can't help you. That's how I treat law as a Christian conservative.

Today, religion grounds my otherwise rebellious trauma. I'm not always a crusader-type about children's rights, and am usually quiet and reticent as a person. The problem with being the crusader type all the time is that when you start demanding change, you end up yearning for it. Why not accept Jesus Christ, and that He already banned your abuse? He did, in fact. Assault and battery were torts under the Mosaic Law, as repeated in the New Testament context throughout, including the Early Church. Col. 3:21 is perhaps my favorite verse, that tells me that corporal punishment is banned already, as the Bible is America's book, and such objective morality supersedes the law of the land. Thus, there is justice for me - and in my case I am fortunate enough that it happened on earth, by the conversion of my abusive father to gentle parenting...I am still a crusader for children at the core, but it is suppressed, meaning in a pocket where I sling it onto my opponent, terrorizing them or perhaps convicting them if lucky.

Lawful trauma is just as harmful as child sexual abuse. Parental rights trauma is the deepest of all traumas. It is the most common, but least identified trauma marker. The core of a parental rights trauma is the word "parental rights", meaning you can always say something else. Custody rights? Call it "custody rights", "mother's rights", or "father's rights". Disciplinary rights? Doesn't exist apart from non-existent criminal defenses for abusive parents. But, just leave up that jargon word, and I'll be judge and jury as to your motive, you fucken spoog and speck (in the case that you spank or punish children like I was, or abuse them otherwise). I am a survivor of parental rights abuse, meaning my parents and other adults in my childhood life used their glorified titles against me to keep me down, and oppressed at the jackboot of parent and adult hegemony and tyranny. Parents think they rule the world. They don't. Parents these days are so entitled, being the snowflakes that they are, being all butthurt and offended by a child telling them things they don't want to hear...I am not insane for believing children should be treated with respect, so respect my parenting values and religious liberty to espouse them to others.