Pro-social mirror - Why not to get angry at "back talk"

 Many parents think that "back talk" is a bad thing in children, and that children should learn how not to "speak against authority". The Bible, however, allows back talk to parents in God's definition of respect for parents. I may refer to myself as anti-parent, but I honor my father and my mother, and listen to my mother. But, she is kind, compassionate, and peaceful in her parenting, so she's earned the respect.

It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in everything, as this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to surrender to parents stemming from parental surrender to children, with parental surrender to children being denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to submission to the every vulnerable need of a child, knowing one's sin nature and ignorance to the child's view of life, leading to attendant and servile surrender to the every need of children, including attachment needs.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) literally translates to "stir up" or "upbraid", and refers to momentary damages such as pain, shame, emotional distress, loss of possessions/tokens, defamation of character, and/or fornication. Any moral crime has two components, guilty intent (mens rea) leading up to/determined by guilty action (actus reus). This model is basically entitlement to theft, and is the children's rights code when directed towards children.

When a child is talking back to you, pay attention to her choice of words. Your child is likely angry in the same way you are angry at them. The counterwill is an evolutionary resistance from being controlled, and punishment causes children to want to control back, and then it becomes a power struggle between parent and child. The idea is to instead collaborate and work with one's child. 

Parenting in ancient Jewish culture was attachment based, and based on co-regulation, and is further described in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to anger, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) refers to discipline or chastening up, from the parent as an exemplary influence onto the child. The idea is to be strict with yourself, and also have a good, loving parent-child bond with your child. The idea is that the more the parent tightens the girdle of restraint in emotion (avoiding verbal/physical/sexual abuse). This word also refers to religious instruction as to right versus wrong. Generally, children in this situation would look up to parents, and emulate them, when their attachment needs are fully met. Children, however, need limits, and the Greek root word νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to verbal correction. Think the word "no", and only rarely, when absolutely warranted. "No" does not have to happen all the time, and it doesn't have to come in that specific word package. There are many, more polite ways to say no, usually starting with "I'm sorry" in a distempered voice. The child will then cry, in which case the right thing to do is hold the child close as a form of time-in. Maybe you need a break later, so take a time-out when you can.

Self-control is a challenge for a child emulated by a parent, meaning the opposite when a child is punished - they start punishing the parent, as a means of pro-social demonstration, thereby demonstrating to the parent how they are being treated as a cry for help. Some children do that more than others, and I was a pro-demonstration autistic child when I was little, meaning I berated my parents like they did me, to "give parents a taste of their own medicine". The idea is to recognize this, and repent for your sins as a parent.

The command for mutual submission in parenting abolished the parent protection laws, as this Col. 3:21, in context, means that however you treat your child is how you will end up being treated by your child, at least now or later. Parents then, particularly of young children, were of the attendant, attachment-centered variety, with children ranging close to their mother. Punishment was only allowed in a courtroom setting, and only between adults, after a defendant who was presumed innocent was found guilty.

The depraved, entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn and suffer from torrents of fire! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!