My relationship with my mother

Many Christians defend the concept of obedience being instilled in children, and many think such isn't an item of gentle parenting. It is both a Christian concept and a gentle parenting concept as well. Biblical parenting, in its purest, most minute, is gentle parent at the lowest, deepest level of acceptance - where I am with children, where I am totally accepting of the child and her every need, coming from total submission. Welp, the apple don't fall from the tree. My mother, admittedly, isn't like me, but pretty darn close. It is where your child is proprietarian over you.

Providing custody is described in Colossians 3:20 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in everything, as is well-pleasing under the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "children" is τεκνον (Latin: teknon) and refers to a form of dependence, referring to "under Christ's roof", meaning parents ARE responsible for their children while they are living under their roof. The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to surrender to the love and grace of parents, guided by secure attachment and rest. This is the type of obedience I have towards my mother.

What does this obedience look like? A low-level example is during a gaslighting situation, when my mother feels "beholden" to my gaslighting trauma, enough to run right in and tell me to "stop yelling!" frantically. It is like we are attached at the cord, meaning the attachment cord, where I am safe and she wants me to be safe. I tell her to go back to her computer, where she teaches online school, and she says "I can't" for vague reasons that indicate strong attachment reflecting a subcurrent of sorts. That means that whenever I am in extreme pain, she is too. Attachment research shows that, even if I moved out of the house, that would be the case (but maybe at a level she could deny).

It is an every-level attachment, meaning at the pedophile level. "Pedophile" does not refer to any incestuous attraction, but merely to the low-level nature of the parent-child bond. She knows who her son is at every level, and thus I am completely obedient to her, by the contextual biblical standard. Being told to do something comes with a feeling of obligation, of a pleasing sort, where I'm not afraid at all, but just feel a tug. When you are "out" to your mother as a pedophile, that tug can be strong. Rebellion comes from trusting avoidance when your mother is wrong, but you want to avoid conflict by overexplaining an issue she won't understand...She hates the concept of pedophilia, but can hear about it from me. It's like when you get a child with special needs, and have to learn by rote about the condition, only she feels pressure not to share her expertise with anybody.

We want parents to be attached to their children at that level. It is not hiding anything from a parent, because she knows exactly who you are, at every level, in a trusting way. I don't hide anything from my mother. Why? She'd never punish me as a young adult until the last day, which is planned for never - when I abuse a child, including on the Internet by way of online sexual exploitation. She'd know, due to the closeness of the relationship, and it would be at a level where I'd feel pressure and obligation to fess up. The truth would just come right out, like a vacuum cleaner. She asks a question about that condition, and I have to tell the truth, or else I have to tell the truth, or else I have to see her let down and angry later when she distrusts my dishonesty.

I myself do have a dependence problem with her, but I find those problems go right away once she forces me into a new situation. I now am with her 24/7, but I now am at a self-confidence level where I can force myself into a work situation geared towards my level, namely a sheltered workshop setting. I love going to work, so I can't because of the COVID-19 virus. I have to get out of the house more, on my own, but at the same time, you can't because of COVID. My mom seems not to understand that this is partly why she is so cranky, and so because I don't speak to her much. I'm not angry with her in the slightest, apart from in the moment, with her temporary "help". I ultimately forgive her, but keep telling her that she can't "help", which she will never accept, which I nonetheless tell her anyway to get her to leave my room. Sad situation.

I would be the same with children as my mother is towards. Christian love for a child is a form of submission that brings out a child's true emotions, and how they really feel about me, and I'm here to listen in the rare case that a child would be charged in my care.