Passing down the faith: How to instruct your child in the Lord without punitive measures

Many parents think that children should have values. This is a common goal amongst American parent. However, most Christian parents in particular feel the need to beat a religious education into a child. However, religion is a human need for children and adults alike. Children can learn the Christian faith almost entirely on their own.

God's Law on child discipline, including religious instruction, is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This first stanza clarifies for the second that religious instruction should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking children. However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing your child altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just like hurt feeling are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt their feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt their feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to srt X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit to never losing your cool with your child ever again, as parent anger directed towards children is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This stanza of this commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this stanza of this commandment ultimately was received as a prohibition on all offenses or damages as perceived by a child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Children do not need to have religion beaten into them. Religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is more aptly diagnosed as "instruction". The Apostle Paul here was discussing religious instruction. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement to keep on studying. Fathers then said to children something along the lines of "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers giving pointers on the context. 

A common way to instruct children in the Lord is to "break the will" of children. In many Christian households, children are punished for "having a will" as soon as they are mobile. However, a child does not have a will to be broken. A child simply wants things, in most cases from you as a parent. In most cases, children aren't asking for much, so why not give them what they want. 

Many Christian parents rush the natural religious development of their children. One way parents do this is by forcing their child into grateful positions. However, grateful positions come on their own, with grateful postures being a sign of healthy religious development. I myself tie my hands behind my back, and nobody made me as a child.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!