"Benign deprivation": Why telling children "no" frequent and often is child abuse

Many parents buy into the doctrine of "benign" deprivation. What this means ultimately is that parents are to say "no" to children "frequent and often". Most American parents think that frequent use of the word "no" is necessary for children to hear. However, frequent use of the word "no" can be perceived as child abuse.

God's Law on child abuse is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV: 

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. The key to not abusing your child is to avoid offense in a child. However, hurt feelings in children is inevitable in parenting, hence the need for parents to be willing to apologize whenever they hurt their child's feelings. One thing that hurts a child's feelings is the word "no". In most cases, children have meltdowns when they cannot accept the word "no". The idea is to give a meaningful apology whenever your child cannot accept the word "no". Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent. However, if you ever set a limit out of anger or haste, you should definitely give a formal apology whenever you lose your cool with your child as a parent, then committing to never lose your cool with your child ever again, as losing your cool with your children alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. Once you master apologizing to children, you should avoid hurting your child's feelings by only saying "no" when absolutely necessary, meaning almost never. Even then, there is usually a nicer way to put it. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandment, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan parenting customs, which were punitive in nature. Paul, contrary to popular legend, opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

As a general rule, even the word "no" was banned in the Early Church in parenting, under customary law. The only exceptions to this rule is if the petitioned request from the child was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Whenever children cried or had a meltdown due to the word "no", they were met by an apology, usually in the form of a reassurance of good intent. But, if the limit was set out of anger or haste, a full apology was in order.

However, Christian parents in the Early Church rarely gave children a flat-out "no". In most cases, parents used nicer-sounding words with their children, such as "that isn't possible", "that can't happen", or "that won't work". Even in cases of fornication, parents simply reassured boys in particular that they will get a chance some other time with the woman of his dreams, and that all good things wait.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!