Mutual respect: Why respect is earned in parenting

Many parents think that they are entitled to respect from a child. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, most parents need an attitude adjustment on the issue of respect coming from children. Respect is earned in life, with parenting being a part of life.

The Bible touches on respect in parenting. See Colossians 3:20 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and is more aptly translated as "trust", as in "trust your parents in all things". This commandment was ultimately written to parents, with children reading the commandment aside of parents. This commandment ultimately refers to resting in the Agape love of parents. Ultimately, this verse refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. The biblical context, when being used as a guidepost, tells us how to form a secure bond with a child. 

Respect for parents was a thing in biblical times, but came in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to parents, meaning that wherever mom went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mom, either in her loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, seemingly attached to mom at the hip, not leaving mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever a child cried, mothers cooed before picking the child up, and from there. she diagnosed the need before meeting that need. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whenever mothers and children were out and about, mom wrapped up her young child in swaddling blankets, with these swaddling blankets being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress worn by mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, Christian parents in the Early Church co-slept next to their children, with this co-sleeping setup ending once the child reached the onset of puberty. Children went naked wherever they went, with mom also going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin sustaining warmth, with children receiving the rays of skin-on-skin contact even when picked up.

The primary attachment figure of children then was usually the mother. Children ran to mom for refuge and shelter. However, sometimes mothers died in childbirth, in which case the father nurtured children up close, even lactating for his child. Men have nipples for a reason - in case the mother isn't there to meet the child's needs in terms of nourishment. Usually, fathers in the Early Church were a secondary attachment figure for children, meaning they nurtured from afar, in the form of teaching children about the Bible. Fathers then were the disciplinarian, but disciplined children using praise and encouragement, not punishment or shaming.

Respect is earned in life, meaning not handed it out on a silver platter. One place where respect in life is definitely earned is parenting. The idea is to form a secure attachment for the first 6 years of childhood. After that secure attachment was given in the Early Church, children respected parents, in the form of looking up to them out of closeness. They usually grew up to have fond memories of their parents, as well as were cooperative to parents when in the latter years of childhood. 

The parent entitled parents who demand respect from children without earning it will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them descend into the abyss which is the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent!