Child discipline: Understanding the Judeo-Christian tradition of positive reinforcement

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common goal amongst American parents. However, most American parents think that punishment equates to discipline. But, the fact of the matter is that children instead need positive reinforcement in order to be disciplined.

God's Law on child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The first stanza of this commandment clarifies that discipline should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is not enough to avoid spanking and punishing children - you need to avoid offense in a child. However, hurting your child's feelings is inevitable in parenting, and so when you do upset a child, you should be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings, lest the upset be officially an offense. However, if you ever lose your cool with your child, you need to give a formal apology to your child, and then commit to never losing your cool with your child ever again, as losing your cool in and of itself is entitlement. However, any time you refuse to apologize to your child, you are entitled. This stanza of this commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus for bringing into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", including the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

This second stanza spells out what discipline is acceptable, with the first stanza ruling out anything punitive with a child. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here to a specific form of nurturing from fathers, namely of the teaching sort. Children were left to form their own discipline, and when children were caught by fathers showing discipline, fathers lavishly praised and encouraged their children to keep up the good work. Christian parents in the Early Church set a good Christian example for children to follow, but backed up their example with praise and encouragement, not punishment and force. Children also need religious instruction, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is better translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep studying, with fathers saying to children "you can ask me anything you want about that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, with children being eager to learn Scripture, and with fathers giving pointers on the context. This stanza denotes the ancient Judeo-Christian tradition of positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement here never involved rewards systems, but instead involved spontaneous praise and encouragement when children were caught being good.

Sometimes, a parent has to set a limit with a child. However, children oftentimes cannot accept limits, in which case an apology is in order. This apology should come in the form of reassurance of good intent.  However, if you ever set a limit out of anger or haste, you need to give a meaningful apology, and then commit never to losing your cool ever again with children, as losing your cool as a parenting alone is entitlement. Limits should only be set if a child is engaging in behavior that is unsafe and/or immoral, or else when children ask for things that are unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. The main reason for saying "no" to children in the Early Church is when they become sexually promiscuous and have sexual relations outside of a Christian marriage. Parents, apart from fornication, set limits rarely, and only when cushioned with nicer words than a flat out "no". 

It is a myth that Christian fathers in the Early Church used "hand-me-down-the-slate" gaslighting to control a child's crying. Instead, fathers masturbated to sexual thoughts of his daughter especially, in the form of righteous masturbation happening for health reasons. This masturbation helped the father in imprinting on his child, as men imprint on children through masturbation. Child sexual abuse was rare in biblical times, meaning next to non-existent, and that was because most men then committed to God to keep masturbation without pornography going. Society knew then that men need an outlet for their adult attraction to children, but that sexual relations with children never being acceptable in that culture.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be csst forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!