Catching children being good: Why to catch children being good (as opposed to being bad)

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common goal for parents to have. However, most American parents think that discipline means catching a child being bad, and then punishing the child. However, the Bible instead calls for children to be caught being good.

God's Law on child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 

The first stanza of this passage clarifies for the second that discipline should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is not enough to stop spanking and punishing your child - you need to avoid the slightest of offense perceived by a child. However, offending children is inevitable in parenting, and thus you should be willing to give a meaningful apology to your child. Any time you cause your child to be upset, you are offending them, and thus an apology is in order. Usually, an informal apology is all that is necessary, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limits for Y reasons". However, if you lose your cool with your child, you are crossing into entitlement territory, thus a formal apology is in order, such as "I apologize for losing my cool with you", and then you should commit to never losing your cool again as a parent. Any time you refuse to apologize to your child, you are entitled. The first stanza of this verse cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought with them into the parish at Ephesus the pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translated to "power to the parent", including the power to impose punitive sanctions onto children, such as spanking and punishing children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men. 

The second stanza of this passage clarifies as to what discipline is acceptable, with the previous stanza ruling out anything punitive with a child. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here to a certain specific method of nurturing children coming from fathers, namely of the teaching sort. Whenever a child was caught in the act of being good, meaning they showed discipline such as self-control or patience, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep up the good work. Christian parents in the Early Church set a good Christian example for their children, but backed it up with praise and encouragement, as opposed to punitive measures. This method is an ancient Jewish custom, predating Christianity by centuries. In most cases, children form their own self-discipline, in which case they should be praised and encouraged to keep up the good work. Children also need religious instruction, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is better translated as "instruction" (see the English Standard Version), and refers to instructing children in the Lord. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a copy of the Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were praised and encouraged to keep studying the Word of God, saying things along the lines of "You can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format. Children were eager to learn about Scripture, with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context.

Catching children being good is one thing, but sometimes, children need limits in the mean time. The idea is to set limits whenever necessary. Christian parents in the Early Church could set a simple limit for any reason, but the word "no" was reserved for any behavior that is unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral  Whenever a limit wasn't received well in children, parents apologized for their children. Christian parents in the Early Church never got angry, and when they did, it was seen as a form of entitlement called parental entitlement, with parental entitlement being seen then as something to avoid and oppose. 

Contrary to popular legend, Christian fathers in the Early Church did not sexually correct their children. Instead, he masturbated righteously to thoughts of his children, meaning usually his daughter. Maybe in neighboring cultures fathers raped their children to correct them, but not in Ancient Jewish culture; Even in Lev. 18:17, the Law then was applied flexibly, meaning broadly, and was applied to all cases of sexual interactions between grown men and young girls, even if the child was not the perpetrator's, with the penalty being death by way of burning at the stake. Daughters were always next to mom's side in the Old Testament. All sexual abuse of a child was considered unlawful then, as in the Early Church  any sexual relations outsdie of marriage being seen as sexually impure, including sexual relations with children. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!