Oppositional-defiant disorder: Why children with ODD need less limits (not more)

Many parents think that children with oppositional-defiant disorder need more limits. This is a common belief amongst American parents  Most American parents think that a child with ODD need punishment to learn hard lessons. However, children with ODD cannot help their defiance.

Children with ODD literally cannot handle the word "no". This is a common theme in the clinical presentation of ODD. The idea is to set limits rarely, and back them up with a meaningful apology. Most children need this setup, but children with ODD need this pro-social permissiveness even more. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is not enough to stop spanking or punishing your ODD child - you need to avoid the slightest of offense perceived by a child. Offending any child is inevitable in parenting, but especially children with ODD. Thus, the only way to avoid guilt under this commandment is to give a meaningful apology whenever you offend your child. Most of the time, a reassurance of good intent is all that is needed. However, if you lose your cool with your child, you need to give them a full apology, such as "I apologize for losing my cool with you". Even refusing to apologize to a child you upset constitutes entitlement. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", including the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, including spanking and other forms of punishment. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive treatment of a child in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was prohibited under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Children with ODD especially need an apology when their feelings are hurt by the word "no". The idea is to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry for saying 'no', but I had to set X limit for Y reasons" and then maybe "I hope you understand". Children with ODD especially need some gentle cushioning when they can't accept the word "no". Children with ODD are bound to get offended by pretty much any set limits, and thus the only way to avoid guilt under this commandment is to apologize whenever you offend and upset your child.

ODD involves an inability of children to accept the word "no", in the most explosive of ways. This is because the word "no" is perceived by an ODD child alone as a form of control. Any time you try to be controlling with someone, they fight back. Under the customary law in the Early Church, children could only be told "no" under the most strictest of circumstances, namely when the child petitioned parents for things that were unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Whenever children were declined a petitioned request, and could not accept the limit, they were given an apology in the form of reassurance of good intent. Christian parents in the Early Church rarely ever lost their cool with children, and when they did, they immediately gave a full apology for their anger, and meant it in their heart of hearts.

Apart from the rare word "no", children with ODD need what is called reverse policing. The idea is to give up the fight with your ODD child, and give into their demands. You may find that they aren't asking for much. Even when Christian parents in the Early Church had to decline a request, they usually put it nicely, with phrases such as "that won't work", "that can't happen", or "that isn't possible". Usually, when you state your limit politely with a child, they are more likely to accept it. Children growing up in the Early Church could take offense for anything that they perceived as offensive, with parents not being able to perceive meaningful offense while their children were dependent on them. 

ODD is usually a secondary disorder to conditions such as autism, ADHD, and/or bipolar disorder. Usually, medication is all that is needed to ward off the oppositional and defiant traits of children. However, sometimes children have an oppositional form of autism, in which case the acronym of righteous parent abuse applies - they strike and beat their parents. Whenever your child lashes out at you, cry with them, and incur their parent abuse onto you. This crying is called righteous wailing, and helps children stop their aggressive behavior in its tracks. Whenever you cry when attacked by your child, it gets their attention, and then they try to refrain from beating parents up. However, some children are incapable of learning their lesson, which in and of itself is a sign of ODD in a child. Either way, crying in parents is an off-switch, as an ODD child does not want to see their parents cry - they just want what they petition for.  

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss, which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!