Thursday, September 11, 2025

Honor thy parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents feel entitled to being honored. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents insist on respect from their children, claiming that the Fifth Commandment states that it is a sin to speak against parents. However, the Bible nowhere states, when understood in context, that children have the obligation to not speak against their parent.

The Fifth Commandment states in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. 

The Hebrew word translated "honour" is kabad and does not prohibit speaking against parents, but instead commands Christians to care for their parents, especially as they age. At first, parents are to care for and pamper their children. Then, parents get rewarded later with loving, kind care when they are no longer able to care for themselves. See also Col. 3:20.

Perhaps the most common motive for punitive treatment of children is parents feeling deserving of children honoring them, with parents citing the Fifth Commandment as an excuse for punitive parenting. However, the Bible commands that parents not give children punitive treatment under any circumstance. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is not enough to stop spanking or punishing children - you need to ideally avoid the slightest of offense perceived by a child. However, offending children is inevitable in the course of parenting, and thus parents need to apologize whenever they offend their child. Usually, all that is needed is reassurance of good intent. However, if you lose your cool with your child at all, your children need a full apology such as "I apologize for losing my cool with you". Any anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and even defending your choice not to apologize to your child is entitlement. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", including the power to impose punitive measures on children such as spanking and other forms of punishment. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive treatment of children in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men. 

The Fifth Commandment does not give parents license to punish their children, while feeling entitled to good things coming their way from children. However, most parents do misuse this commandment as a justification for punishing children for things such as "disrespect". The Bible, as exegeted in the previous paragraph, prohibits all punitive parenting of a child, meaning avoiding the offense perceived by a child..The Early Christians were largely hated for being "too soft" on their children.

The whole point of the Fifth Commandment is to take care of your parents as they age, rewarding them with the same care that they gave you when you were little. However, some parents are downright dishonorable, and abusive as well, and then, children were allowed to disown their parents, and they usually did in the case of child abuse.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

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