Honor parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents feel entitled to respect and honor from children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents feel deserving to respect and honor from children. However, the fact of the matter is that honoring parents does not preclude children from speaking against parents.

The Fifth Commandment states in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This commandment, in context, does not prohibit speaking against parents. Instead, all this commandment means is to care for your parents as they age. The idea is for parents to first form a secure attachment to children. When this happens, children are usually quick to honor their parents. You should ideally care for your aging parents with the love and kindness that they showed you.

The Fifth Commandment is oftentimes misused by parents to demand respect from their children, including in the form of punitive measures imposed upon children. However, the Fifth Commandment is not an excuse to deal with children punitively. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is not enough to stop spanking and punishing your children - you need to ideally avoid the slightest of offense perceived by a child. However, offending children is inevitable in parenting, in which case parents must be willing to give a meaningful apology when they offend their children. Most of the time, all that is needed is a reassurance of good intent, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you lose your cool with your child, that alone is entitlement, and thus requires a formal apology, such as "I apologize for losing my cool with you" and then commit to never lose your cool again. Even defending your choice not to apologize to your child in and of itself is a form of entitlement. A provocation to anger is a specific form of offense stemming from entitlement in the offending party, with this entitlement including any parent anger towards a child. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translated to "power to the parent". including the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, including spankings or other punishments. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any punitive measures towards children in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Some parents in the biblical context were not worth honoring. In both the Old and the New Testaments, parents could be shunned for merely being entitled as parents. Whenever a child growing up in the Early Church was being abused, they usually confided in a clergyman or clergywoman, who gently walked the children through the steps to defeat their abuser through reverse gaslighting methods. See also 1Cor. 5:11.

The reason for the Fifth Commandment was there was a lot of elder abuse and neglect of parents in the Old Testament context. In Ancient Israel, there existed an epidemic of elder abuse. Thus, God gave context-specific commandments to not strike your parents and not curse them with airborne gaslighting. See also Lev. 20:9; Exod. 21:15. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!