Why to catch children being good (as opposed to catching them misbehaving)

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common and understandable wish for parents to have. However, most American parents equate discipline with punishment. However, the fact of the matter is that children should be caught in the act of being good.

Proper discipline for children is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 

The first stanza of this commandment qualifies for the second that no discipline should hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is not enough to stop spanking or punishing your child - you need to avoid the slightest of offense perceived by a child. The first stanza of this commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to point out that discipline does not equal punishment. Children should not be hurt in order to be given discipline, but nonetheless, children need discipline. The only way to fully avoid guilt under this stanza of the commandment in Eph. 6:4 is to be willing to apologize to your child whenever you offend them, with offense consisting of any upset or hurt feelings in a child. Punishment is never okay in parenting. However, children need discipline. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive treatment of a child in his secular writings.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here to a specific type of nurturing, namely of the teaching sort. Whenever children were caught being good, they were given lavish praise and encouragement from fathers. Behaviors such as having discipline and self-control, once found in children, were praised and encouraged for more of the same. Christian parents in the Early Church imparted a good example for children to follow, and backed it up with praise and encouragement, as opposed to punishment or force. Whenever children held it together when they usually didn't, they were give praise and encouragement for more of the same. Religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers here to a child hearing out the Christian warning of fathers. Starting when children turned age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught studying the Bible, fathers praised and encouraged religion in his child, and also saying "let me help you interpret that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers giving pointers as to the context. The Christian warning of fathers consisted on explaining to children the context behind the Bible that they discovered and read. 

Children sometimes act up. This is something every parent has to go through. However, most Christian parents in the Early Church knew more than parents today is that child development comes in phases, with most troublesome behaviors being developmentally appropriate given the child's age and maturity. A child who runs into traffic at age 3 won't be so reckless at age 9. Children start out by crying a lot, but then resort to whining, with whining being a mature way to petition parents for vulnerable needs. But, when children did engage in good behavior, it was lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers, with children then being eager to hear their father's praise.

Mothers nurture up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. The foundation for good discipline comes in the first 6 years of childhood. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mother especially, seemingly attached at the hip. For the latter part of childhood, children alternating between closeness to mom and freedom to play and roam freely away from mom. Children were largely given free reign for the latter part of childhood. When children are raised in an attachment parenting home environment, siblings actually get along, and petition for things that they want in unison.

Most children are impulsive by way of their nature. However, when parents show impulse control around their children, children absorb self-control from the Christian example of parents. When children showed self-control, fathers were quick to praise and encourage such behavior, with children working hard to impress their parents. Maybe they fumbled a bit along the way, but Christian parents then noticed all of the good behavior in children, and ignored misbehavior as understandable given children's age and development. Children need to learn impulse control, and what better way to learn impulse control then a child being praised and encouraged when they show self-control on their own. Sometimes, limits need to be set, in which case the parent should simply apologize if the set limit upsets the child, in the form of reassurance and explanation for a limit set. Limits should only be set if a child's behavior is unsafe or immoral. Limits for children growing up in the Early Church were backed up by restful trust in parents, and when children warmly trust their parents, children listen to parents automatically and out of instinct.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!