Righteous apology: The importance of apologizing to your child

Many parents are opposed to apologizing to children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents instead insist on an apology from their children, while not willing to apologize themselves. However, a key rule of thumb in the Bible is known as righteous apology

God's Law weighs in on apologizing to children, making it a biblical mandate - in practice - to apologize to your child. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is not enough to stop spanking and punishing children - you need to avoid the slightest of offense perceived by a child. The only way to fully avoid guilt under this commandment is to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you offend your child. Any time you cause your child to become upset, including through set limits, you have offended your child, and thus you need to apologize. The best way to avoid guilt under this commandment is to be ready to apologize to your child, as an entitled parent does not apologize for offending a child ever. The offense here comes from entitlement in parents, including defending rights as a parent. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which roughly translates to "power to the parent", including the power to spank and punish children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Roman law prohibited attachment parenting, but the Early Christians did it anyway, as an act of civil disobedience to Rome. The Early Christians were widely hated because they were "too soft" on their children.

There are different types of apologies for different occasions. When you have to set a limit, it is best to give a Hebraic apology to your child, meaning a reassurance of good intent by way of honesty about your intent. Whenever you lose your cool with your child, you instead need to give a full, heartfelt apology, and mean it. A full apology from a parent should say "I apologize for losing my cool". 

Offending a child is inevitable in parenting. In most cases, children are offended for even being given limits. However, the way out of the command not to offend children is to be willing to apologize whenever your actions, including set limits, offends children. The definition of child abuse under God's Law is not just any offense, but an offense stemming from entitlement.

Any anger whatsoever is considered entitled in relation to children. Any parent anger directed towards a child was deemed parental entitlement in biblical times. Christians in the Early Church saw anger at a child as akin to a viper hissing and lashing out at an unsuspecting child. Instead, parenting in the Early Church was based off of worry or concern, not anger coming down from the ramparts. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!