"Benign" deprivation: Why children need ALL of their needs met

Many parents buy into the concept of "benign" deprivation. What this basically amounts to is parents avoiding meeting certain needs of children, in order to "make room" for what a child "really" needs. However, the fact of the matter is that children need their EVERY need, not just some of them.

The concept of "benign" deprivation in parenting is a clear violation of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. In this mutual submission relationship with a child, the burden of proof fell squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents performed good works for their child, with children resting securely in the good works of children. Good works here refers to doing good things for children, meeting children's every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as as moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were initially charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive treatment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.

The concept of "benign" deprivation holds that parents have the "right" to deprive their children of much of their needs, in order to focus on what the child "really" needs. However, Christian parents in th Early Church knew more than parents today that a child needs their EVERY need. Not just some of them. All of them. 

Under customary law in the Early Church, Christian parents were to meet their children's every vulnerable need, with there being five basic categories of children's needs according to customary law then; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - with the greatest of these needs being attachment! Usually, a crying child simply needs loving attention from mom. Sleep was seen then as an attachment need, as parents then practiced co-sleeping.

A common way that parents deprive children of their needs is saying "no" a lot. However, Christian parents in the Early Church only said "no" to a child rarely, with customary law mandating that parents only say "no" when the child is asking for something unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. When children were told "no", they were offered reassurance and an explanation, as a form of a Hebraic apology. Even then, most parents found nicer ways to say "no", such as "that can't happen", "that won't work", or "that's not possible". 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!