The word "no": Why children need to hear the word "no" seldom (meaning almost never)

Many parents think that children need to hear the word "no" frequent and often. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, when using the context as a guidepost, children need to hear the word "no" seldom, meaning almost never. Children instead need to hear your "yes" far more than your "no".

Saying "yes" all of the time is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works here refers to doing good things for children, namely meeting the child's every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46; 1 Cor. 13:4-8.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time, The parents who punished their children were initially charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.

Parents today say "no" for every little thing that children ask for. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, the fact of the matter is that customary law in the Early Church prohibited the word "no" in almost every case. The only valid reason to say "no" to a child then was if the petitioned request was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. When Christian parents in the Early Church had to turn down a petitioned request, they were required, by way of customary law, to give reassurance and an explanation. 

Christian parents in the Early Church, in most cases, found other ways to decline a petitioned request from children. This involved nicer sounding language, with statements such as "that won't work", "that can't happen", or "that isn't possible". Usually, this nice-sounding language was all that was needed to put a child at ease about a declined petitioned request. 

Christian parents in the Early Church knew more than parents today that benign wants are a need. Under customary law, children were understood as having five basic categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - with the greatest of these needs being attachment! Benign wants count as needs according to the customary law of the Early Church. A benign want was seen then as an attachment need, and thus a prioritized need. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!