Cooperation in children: Why children need a secure attachment in order to cooperate with parents properly

Many parents want a cooperative child. This is a common thing that parents insist of in their children. Most parents feel entitled to a cooperative child. However, the fact of the matter is that cooperation in children is an entitlement for parents.

Cooperation in children is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your child to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their child, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works here refers to doing good things for children, meeting your child's every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Children don't need punishment in order to cooperate with parents. The fact of the matter is that children naturally come cooperative to parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness with mothers, meaning wherever mom went, so did her child. Children that young followed parents - especially mothers - around like goslings to a mother goose.

Older children played freely outside, naked. However, they always came right back to home base when they were tired, with home base being skin-on-skin warmth with mom. Childhood cooperation with parents comes in the form of "make their day" cooperation. Look for older children to do things around the house, just to make you happy. 

Children need a home base to fall apart in, whenever they need help dealing with big emotions. Children growing up in the Early Church alternated between closeness to parents and free play outside, with closeness to parents being home base for children. 

Older children whined to parents when they needed something. When children growing up in the Early Church whined, they mostly whined in order to petition for a need. The reason children whine for wants as opposed to needs today is that the first whine was ignored. Whenever you ignore a crying or upset child, they find other ways to get your attention. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!