Honor thy parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents feel entitled to being honored by their parents. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents demand that children honor them. However, the fact of the matter is that the Fifth Commandment simply says to care for your parents as they age. 

God's Law states in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. 

This commandment does not prescribe that children never talk back to parents. This is a common misinterpretation of the Fifth Commandment. The fact of the matter is that the commandment to honor parents simply means that children should ideally take care of their parents as they age. However, when parents were abusive towards children, the adult children had the right to shun their parents.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works here refers to doing good things for children, meeting a child's every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Honoring parents today means caring for aging parents. It is not a moral crime to speak against parents. It is not a moral crime to defy parents. Instead, children should take care of their aging parents, as a thank-you for all of the fond memories made with parents. However, if parents were abusive, adult children were allowed to shun their abusive parents.

The reason for the Fifth Commandment was that adult children, in biblical times, would gaslight their parents or beat them to get what they wanted. The Ancient Israelites had an elder abuse problem, so much that the Ten Commandments had to include a commandment to honor parents. God writes to His Audience. Today, the Fifth Commandment serves as a means to encourage the giving of thanks for having good parents. Some parents deserve to be shunned for how they treated their children, and so children were given the option to shun their abusive parents if they felt that their abusive parents were that horrid in how they dealt with their children.

I myself have a complicated relationship with my abusive parents. I have forgiven my parents for their abusive behavior, but I sure haven't forgotten. I was punished by lawful means, meaning false imprisonment tactics such as time-out or grounding, alongside the rare disciplinary spanking done "out of love". My parents followed the secular law while abusing me, and that part was the worst part. If my parents did not apologize, they would be shunned by my court entirely. Some parents need to be shunned by their children in order to wake up and smell the coffee. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!