Cooperation in children: How to gain cooperation from children

Many parents have dealt with it. A child is talking back, being uncooperative and unmanageable. However, children rarely are cooperative with parents when parents are using punitive measures. However, the fact of the matter is that cooperative children have cooperative parents raising them, with cooperation starting with parents being cooperative towards their children's needs. 

Cooperation from children is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto the part of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where children are to perform good works for children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works here refers to doing good things for children, meeting the every vulnerable need of children, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:25-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all form of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your children hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.

Most parents want cooperation with their children. Parents usually start off on these goals from early on. However, most parents punish their children in order get cooperation from their children. With that said, there is only one proper way to gain cooperation from a child., and that is a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home.

For the first 6 years, children growing up in the Early Church were held close to mothers. Children definitely cried a lot, and usually cried a deathly, screeching cry due to separation anxiety. Most young children morbidly feared that mothers would "go away and never come back". The purpose of closeness was to reassure children that mom is going nowhere.

After age 6, the hard work on the part of parents pays off. Most children growing up in the Early Church were cooperative with parents, but in a playful and affectionate way. Children usually cooperate with an attachment figure, usually in the form of telling mom exactly where they were playing. Children engaged in wet and messy play. However, when children were called back home for dinner, they automatically returned to the home, where they were treated to a nice, warm dinner. 

When children growing up in the Early Church past age 6 were not playing, they did chores around the house, without getting paid. The goal of children going to work at home was to please mom and dad. They might try to cook dinner, and even when the food was burnt, parents ate it anyway, not complaining about the cooking. That form of cooperation is known as "make your day" cooperation. 

When children growing up in the Early Church, past age 6, wanted every item in sight in market, mothers gave children a pocketbook full of free spending money. The child surely learned quickly the value of money. But, even when the child ran out of money, the mother paid for what the child could not. Children did not earn money through the chores that they did, but instead were given free money of an amount determined by parents. 

I myself come from a pro-spanking authoritative upbringing. For most of my childhood, I was subject to false imprisonment techniques such as time-out and grounding, and even the occasional disciplinary spanking done "out of love". When I was little, I was given a disciplinary spanking when I was younger, and a slap to the face when I was older. Sound familiar? I now have a legal trauma from the legal defense on the books for pro-spanking parents. Because of that upbringing of mine, I was in a battle of wills as a child. I was a proud child to begin with, but then my parents started fighting back when all I wanted was to be heard. I did get along with teachers who turned out to be gentle parents in their personal lives, but usually, I fought back when I was punished. Whenever you try to control a child as proud as I was, they control back. When I was spanked, I immediately grabbed at the door and broke the knob, then when they put a lock on the door, I kicked the door until it frayed. When children in gentle parenting groups have bipolar disorder like mine, but is instead dealt with using compassionate listening, the bipolar mania is simply a bunch of sillies, not a battle of wills. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoked their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!