The word "no": Why the word "no" should be used rarely (meaning almost never)

Many parents think the word "no" should be used frequently and often. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents use the word "no" all of the time. However, the fact of the matter is that children need to hear the word "no" rarely, meaning almost never. Children instead need to hear "yes" more than "no"

The frequent use of the word "yes" is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents, owing nothing in return. Good works are defined here as doing good things for your child, meeting their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement.  This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children..In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents were punished their children were charged with kidnapping,  with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen then as holding your child hostage merely for things that that they did wrong. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he surely loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Many times, childhood upset comes from hearing the word "no". Most American parents use the word "no" frequent and often. This frequent use of the word "no" often leads to temper tantrums in younger children. However, Christian parents in the Early Church used the word "no" sparingly, meaning almost never. Whenever children cried, mothers swooped in and cooed at her child before picking the child up, and from there, she diagnosed the need of the child before meeting it.

Children growing up in the Early Church got most everything that they wanted, and absolutely everything that they needed. Whenever children petitioned for what they wanted, they got what they wanted in most cases. Whenever the child was offended by the word "no", the parent had to reassure the child of their good intent. If the parent got defensive at all when confronted for saying "no", including by children, it was deemed parental entitlement, with any offense stemming from parental entitlement being child abuse. If the parent was entitled at all, they needed to give a full-blown apology to their children later, or else be excommunicated from the church. 

Even in the case of the word "no" being necessary, most Christian parents in the Early Church used nicer sounding ways to decline needs. These statements include things such as "that won't work" or "that can't happen", with a reassurance and an explanation given to the child.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!