Attention-seeking behavior in children: Why attention is a core need for children

Many parents have been there. A child is just begging for attention from their parents. Most parents punish their children when they engage in attention-seeking behavior. However, the fact of the matter is that attention is a core need for children.

Giving your child well needed attention is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their child, with children resting securely in the good works of parents, owing nothing in return to parents. Good works here is defined as doing good things for children, meeting the every vulnerable need of children, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Children's behaviors sometimes just beg for attention. There is a reason for this - they need attention. Children growing up in the Early Church were given tender loving care every time they cried. All a child back then needed to do to get the attention of mom and dad was to cry, and the mother then cooed at the child before picking them up, and from there, she diagnosed the need before meeting that need.

Children today do things to get attention, and they usually do so by crying out loud in a way that begs for attention. Most parents are given the advice to give an ignoring message. However, whenever a child cries for attention, that is what they need. 

Children who were older than age 6 also demanded attention by way of whining. Christian parents in the Early Church tended to the whining of children as well as the cries, and they always were able to diagnose a need. Usually, all the child needed was mom, and mom only. 

The idea is to give up the fight, and give into the demands for attention coming from a crying or whining child. You may find that the child isn't asking for much. Whining is a sign of maturity in a child, meaning one step up from crying.

Attention is a core need of any child. There are five basic categories of childhood needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and/or attachment - and the greatest of these needs is attachment! The core attachment need of them all is attention. Infants aren't the only ones needing love when they are upset. Even older children need tender loving care from parents. 

Most of the time, attention-seeking behavior in young children - under age 6 - comes from separation anxiety. Children growing up in the Early Church who needed attention from a parent cried a deathly, screeching cry that breaks down the parents until they give in to the child's vulnerable needs. Most parents interpret this as a child "undermining" parents and "asking for attention". However, the fact of the matter is that they need attention, and so that is what they should get. Children under age 6 usually cry out of fear that mom would "go away and never come back". 

Attention-seeking behavior in a school setting can happen many ways that are disruptive to a learning environment. However, the children who are disruptive the most need the teacher's attention the most. I have come to oppose the existence of school due to how they treat chronically disruptive students. But, since school is here to stay, and not everyone can homeschool, schools should ideally have an IEP for every student, and with children not being suspended simply for being disruptive. Teachers should note that a warm embrace from a teacher is not against the law. Sometimes, a child needs a warm embrace from a teacher when they are acting out to get attention. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!