Honor parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents feel entitled to being honored. This is a common entitlement on the part of parents. Most parents feel deserving of being honored. However, the fact of the matter is that parents are not entitled to anything from children just for existing.

God's Law states in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Many Christian parents interpret this passage as a command not to even speak against parents. However, all this commandment means, in context, is that children should care for their parents as they age. Ultimately, it refers to giving back to patents, if you can. Some parents are completely dishonorable due to being abusive towards their children. No abused child has to honor their parents, as even then, honor from parents is earned.

Honoring parents correctly is a form of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV::

Children, obey your children in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey"is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to serve children selflessly, just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above. expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:25-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement  This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards childreen. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Honoring parents is a positive consequence of parenting done right. For the first years of childhood, children were first held close for the first 2 years. During the last years of childhood, children play freely, in terms of wet and messy play. However, the young adult years should be the dearest to parents - when children give back to their parents knowingly and willfully, just to be kind to their aging parents. But, such loving-kindness like that has to come from somewhere.

Punitive parents were discovered by way of Christian law, even in biblical times. When abused children grew up, they shunned their entitled parents. Some parents even were put before the council, where a panel of 3 elders decided the fate of the parents. Gentle parenting was illegal under Roman law, and so Christian parents then disobeyed Rome and obeyed God in parenting. Much of the abusive parenting in biblical times was lawful in nature, with young boys and girls getting a hand-over-knee spanking. The Early Christians shunned this practice, deeming the punitive parents as scofflaw parents within the church community. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torrment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of .Heaven is at hand!