"Benign" deprivation: Why children need all of their needs

Many parents believe in the concept of "benign" deprivation. This is a common method of dealing with children. The doctrine of "benign" deprivation allows for parents to avoid tending to certain cries in a child. The fact of the matter is that the Bible, when using the context as a guidepost, commands that children receive ALL of what they need, and most all of what they want.

Children need ALL of their needs, meaning not just some of them. Giving children EVERYTHING that they need is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto the part of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The concept of "benign" deprivation allows for parents to pick and choose which cries a child need attending to, and which cries are to be ignored. However, children need ALL of their needs, not just some of them. Children growing up in the Early Church were given absolutely everything that they needed, and most everything that they wanted. Whenever a child cried, mothers were quick to respond to their child's cries, doing so by way of cooing at a child in order to put children at ease. Mothers then picked up their child, and from there, she diagnosed the needs of the child before meeting them.

Children have five basic categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - with the greatest of these needs being attachment. When children cried, they needed at least one of these five categories of needs. Sleep is counted as an attachment need, as most parents in biblical times co-slept next to children.

The major reason for a child crying was in response to the word "no". The key is to avoid using the word "no", and instead only decline a petitioned request when it was absolutely necessary. Under customary law, parents were only allowed to say "no" when the petitioned request was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even when parents had to decline a request, the request was met with an explanation and reassurance. There are better ways to decline a request than a flat out "no". Try instead saying "that won't work" or "can't happen", and this is how Christian parents in the Early Church declined requests.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!