Mutual respect: Why respect is earned in parenting

Many parents want their children to respect them. This is a common want on the part of parents. However, most parents punish "disrespect" while doing nothing to earn their respect. However, the fact of the matter is that respect in parenting should be mutual in nature.

Mutual respect is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of children. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen then as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Respect for parents was a thing in biblical times. However, this respect came in the form of closeness with parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mom went, so did her children. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following mom from room to room, not allowing mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever a child cried, mothers cooed before picking up the child, and from there, the mother diagnosed the need and then met it. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When mothers and children under age 6 were out and about in public, mom wrapped up her child next to her bosom in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format. Children in biblical times went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked in the family home. This birth nudity setup helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin sustaining warmth, with children feeling the rays of skin-on-skin contact even when simply being picked up.

Children in biblical times, past age 6, were more cooperative than children that age today. Children gain a significant amount of self-control after age 6. This was because children got their needs meant early in life. The warmer that you are as a mother, and the more attentive you are as a mother, is what sets the stage for a child's self-control, when this nurturing happened in the first 6 years of childhood. Even then, some children were more demanding than others, with some children calling the shots until adulthood.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!