The word "no": Why children need to hear the word "yes" more than the word "no"

Many parents think that children need to hear the word "no" frequent and often. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents say "no" to every single thing that their child asks for. However, the fact of the matter is that children need to hear the word "no" rarely, meaning almost never.

The frequent use of the word "yes" is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your child to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

It is a myth that children need to hear the word "no" frequent and often. The fact of the matter is that children in biblical times heard the word "no" seldom, meaning almost never. Parents were instead to heel to the command of children, with few exceptions. The only reasons for parents saying "no" under customary law was when children's requests were unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even then, parents usually struck up a compromise with children. The word "no", when given verbatim, was rare in biblical times.

In most cases, when children cried due to the word "no", mothers would give an explanation to the child as to why they are saying "no". From there, the mother gave reassurance by way of offering skin-on-skin closeness and warmth. Children in biblical times, however, heard the word "no" seldom, meaning almost never.

Children need to hear the word "yes" far more often than the word "no". The word "yes", when stated frequently and often, helps gel a bond between parent and child in the family home. When children get what they want in life, they associated the parents with all the goodies that they got from parents.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!