Passing down the faith: How to instruct children in the Lord

Many parents want their children to grow up in some religion. This is a common wish for Christian parents in this country. However, the most common way to instruct a child in the Lord is to "break their will". However, children have an human need for religion, and so they should be instructed in the Lord by parents gently, meaning without punishment or shaming.

The religious instruction of children is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to a secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to melding the countenance of children. In the Hebraic context of the Bible, this could only mean one thing - lavishly praising and encouraging children when caught in the act of good behavior. That good behavior ultimately came from the Christian example of parents. However, parents backed up their example not with punishment, but instead with lavish praise and encouragement. The idea is to find a child centering their countenance on their own, and then give them praise whenever they show self-control. Children need a religious instruction, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to self-directed religious instruction. This religious instruction started with fathers leaving out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based off of what children saw in the text. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers giving pointers on the context. 

Children naturally are spiritually curious, and so there is no need to be heavy on the instruction. Children will grow towards the religious denomination of their choice. It may not be your choice as to religion, but at least they have values. Punishment only alienates children from being spiritually curious on their own, and discourages children from learning at their own pace.

How do you motivate your child to hear out the instruction of fathers? Why not start with a secure attachment with mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Breastfeeding in most cases lasted until age 2, but sometimes, the breastfeeding of children lasted until age 6 (or maybe even later).  When children turned age 6, they were allowed outside to play, venturing farther and farther from home, but while first notifying mom of where they are going. Come nightfall, children were called by name - one by one - and were treated to a warm, homecooked meal from mom. Children then co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin co-sleeping warmth happening every night, until the onset of puberty, which is when children in most cases wanted their own place to sleep. From there, children recharged in the loving warmth of mothers for another day's play.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!