Oppositional-defiant disorder: Why children with ODD need less limits (not more limits)

Many parents think that children with oppositional-defiant disorder have a need to be punished. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents think that a child with ODD is a "bad kid". However, children with ODD simply have a stronger counterwill, and thus they especially need to take the lead in relation to their parents. 

The gentle parenting that works with oppositional-defiant disorder involves LESS limits, not more. This form of gentle parenting is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely on parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned  children during his time as a deacon.

Most children were held close to mothers, meaning children remained close to mothers until age 6. However, some children were more rebellious than others then, and presented traits of oppositional-defiant disorder. In the Early Church, children who refused to be picked up were called stand-beside-me children, and mothers had one simple rule for them - "stand right beside me". Children often broke that rule, in which case mothers simply picked up the child and placed the child on their side. 

Stand-beside-me children had a very strong counterwill. That meant that if the parents tried to be controlling with a child - which was rare in Early Christian parenting - that the child would just try to control back, and sometimes, they won the battle. However, most Christian parents in the Early Church knew better than to be controlling with a child, and that ensured peace at home. Christian parents in the Early Church instead simply allowed their children to set limits with them if they wanted something from parents, with parents usually providing for their child what they needed. The word "no" was rare in Christian homes then, meaning almost never. Stand-beside-me children especially benefitted from this setup, which was standard across all Christian homes in the Early Church. Some children immediately surrendered to the limits of parents. Stand-beside-me children, however, did not offer their parents that kind of grace.

Oppositional-defiant disorder is a common disorder secondary to autism, ADHD, and/or bipolar disorder. In most cases, oppositional and defiant traits can be treated using psychotropic medications. However, in the mean time, children actually need LESS limits. Children growing up in the Early Church only heard the word "no" when the command from the child was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Children who likely had ODD then fit right into this setup, as they could then order their parents around as they pleased. Some children did surrender to the loving arms of parents, asking for parents to set the limits for them. However, most children took the lead in terms of parenting. These oppositional and defiant traits of children are, in most cases, able to be treated with psychotropic medication. However, in some cases, it is a form of autism that can't be reversed using psychotropic medication.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!